There's this one episode of Married With Children where Al Bundy fills his attractive ditz daughter's brain with all of his worldly information so she can compete on a local sports trivia show in his stead. Everything goes great until the final question: Who rushed for four touchdowns for the Polk High School Panthers in the 1966 championship game? The answer, of course, is Al Bundy — but Kelly only has a finite amount of information she can fit into her brain, and the answer, devastatingly, eludes her. The moral of this very important story is that, if we only have a finite amount of pop culture information we can squeeze into our brains, knowing who won what at the MTV Movie Awards is one thing we're probably safe skipping. That said: The MTV Movie Awards were last night, and some stuff happened.
Host Rebel Wilson and the cast of best movie ever Pitch Perfect opened the show. And the question on everyone's minds: Seriously, what the hell was Anna Kendrick doing that was more important than this?
There will be plenty of time later to break down all of the rich, glitzy, succor-providing Hollywood action — from the talking bear, to the hugely throated Jennifer Hudson, to the fact that now, more than ever, America is feeling some feelings about Miss Anne Hathaway — that was last night's 85th Academy Awards, and Grantland will indeed be back with you later with a full gasp/GIF-filled rundown. For now, though, let's focus on two things. First, the full list of winners, provided below (Affleck, bro — you're crushing it!). And second: the fact that Seth MacFarlane hosted the Oscars last night, and yet the world did not end.
We here at Hollywood Prospectus will be weighing in on the wondrously gallant pageantry that was Sunday night's Golden Globes — The dresses! The speeches! The prop teeth! The fake drunkenness! The real drunkenness! — a bit more in depth later in the day. But for now, we're just gonna kick it American style, and only focus on the winners.
And so everyone bow down before Argo, whose depiction of Hollywood as a powerful tool for world-changing, life-saving good was somehow, some way, embraced by a bunch of people in Hollywood; Homeland, which went back-to-back on a sweep of the major TV drama categories despite, ah, you know maybe not being as good this season; Girls, whose wins thoroughly justified Lena Dunham's decision to stop at that Kinko's before the show; Les Misérables, whose big night continued to make a nation of people feel very strongly about Anne Hathaway, one way or the other; and Chad Lowe, who made the wise decision not to use his sudden Twitter fame as an excuse for perpetrating child negligence.
Not that it was going to take much for anyone to panic about this year's Oscars anyway, but after Seth MacFarlane hammed it up like a monkey riding a bicycle Thursday morning while announcing the nominees, the question is now paramount on the minds of the masses — on February 24, when the Academy Awards air, are we in for a SethMacFarlanepocalypse of awkwardness? (The question probably isn't phrased as clumsily as that. But you get the gist.)
Sometimes, an idea seems to make so much sense that you can't really say anything other than yes, that makes so much sense. For example: NBC announced yesterday that power duo Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, the twin rocks of its Thursday-night comedy lineup, will host the network's broadcast of this January's Golden Globes. The two crushed it together for two years on "Weekend Update," then got back together in 2008 to crush it in Baby Mama. Now they're both crushing it independently, on 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation, while getting back together on various award-show stages to crush it from time to time.
So this is a bit convoluted but bear with me here: On Thursday, the L.A. Times reported that the Motion Picture Academy was in talks with Jimmy Fallon and Lorne Michaels to host and produce the Oscars, respectively. The problem, according to the Times, was that Fallon's show is on NBC but the Oscars are on ABC, and presumably ABC wouldn't want to bring in a direct competitor.
Why am I writing about the BET Awards? Because I love Televised Entertainment by Blacks (TEB), that's why. Also, they were awesome last night. Perfect, no. (The censor was drunk, I'm sure of it.) A few embarrassing moments, yes. (Someone needs to spank this kid. Oh, Beyoncé, you're on it? Cool.) But overall, awesome. Still super-proud to be black, 25 years and counting.
By my count, there were four main highlights. Let's talk about them right now.