Earlier this week, a little to-do broke out over disparaging remarks Michael Bay supposedly made about his 1998 blockbuster, Armageddon, in an interview plugging his new flick, Pain & Gain. Seeing as, generally speaking, Michael Bay seems like the kind of guy who believes in the Bayian infallibility of Michael Bay, it was hard to fathom. But there they were, in black-and-white:
On Thursday, Michael Bay threw up a little one-liner on his blog: "TMNT: we are bringing Megan Fox back into the family!" And boom went the minds of a nation of devoted Bayologists. Michael Bay has pardoned Megan Fox for her sins? And he's casting her in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie?!
A little background: Michael and Megan have a bit of history, all going back to that time she playfully, cheerfully — like, totally in a fun way! — compared him to a certain former Chancellor of Germany. The comments in question, made to Wonderland Magazine in 2009: "[Bay] wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he's not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it's endearing to watch him." Actually not all that bad, when you read it in context — but I guess it was hard for Mikey to get around the words "HE WANTS TO BE LIKE HITLER," huh? Anyway, he fired her from the Transformers series for her transgressions, and admitted as much, then went right back to pummeling our brains in with senseless, endless Decepticon gore, leaving Megan to wander the barren desert that is "not working in Michael Bay films" forevermore.
Yesterday afternoon, Michael Bay debuted the trailer for Pain and Gain, his first non-Transformers movie since 2005, inspiring an internal Grantland e-mail chain every bit as over-the-top and exuberantly explosion-laden as his filmography. So we thought we'd share it. What has 16 thumbs and is way too excited about The Rock and Mark Wahlberg playing criminal bodybuilders? These guys.
On Tuesday, TwitchFilm reported that "Michael Bay is having early conversations with Mark Wahlberg to star in the upcoming, Paramount backed Transformers 4." Not happening, says big Bay himself. "The Mark Wahlberg T4 rumor is just a rumor. Mark and I are talking about another film project." Even though the message was delivered via blog post on his personal website, MichaelBay.com, and even though he used the first person in the message delivered on MichaelBay.com, Bay signed it "—Michael," just to make sure everyone knew it was Michael Bay talking. And then, just to really make sure everyone knew it was Michael Bay talking, Michael Bay made that MichaelBay.com blog post engage another MichaelBay.com blog spot in an indecipherable, sensorially violent fight to the death on the roof of a skyscraper.
It was only a week ago that Michael Bay rocked the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan community to its core by announcing that, in the remake he’s producing, the Turtles would be — oh, it still hurts to say — aliens. Bay tried his best to be accommodating, explaining that “fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex backstory. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.” But he never quite backed down. And so, as of this writing, it still stands: those Ninja Turtles you love so dearly — they are no longer from this world.
But. It. Just. Gets. Worse.
It all started with some good intentions. Last week, while attempting to get the crowd at Nickelodeon’s upfront presentation amped up and ready to go about the live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake he’s producing, Michael Bay dropped this tidbit: “Kids are going to believe one day these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.” And immediately a billion children across space and time were like “HOLD UP HOLD UP HOLD UP – ALIENS?!!”
Great success for the virtual acting community: The upcoming Transformers movie, the fourth in the franchise, will most likely not feature any of the principals from the first three — and, therefore, quite possibly, will feature no humans at all. Explains now-former castmember Josh Duhamel to E!: “I don't think anybody's doing it. I know Shia [LaBeouf]'s not doing it. I don't think Tyrese [Gibson] or Rosie [Huntington-Whiteley] or anybody else is doing it."
