No Grammys, a dustup with the Black Keys, his worst birthday on record — it's safe to say that Justin Bieber's 2013 is not living up to the standard of awesomeness that you'd expect from an internationally famous teen heartthrob.

This week has been more of the same. First, on Tuesday, Biebs's best pal Lil Twist went and crashed Justin's car.

Were you aware that Justin Bieber's penis has a nickname? Of course you weren't, you're a grown-up and a visitor to a Web site that is generally a Bieber-Free Zone, a safe place from this sort of nonsense. Apparently, his fans have dubbed his junk "Jerry," and "Jerry" has been trending on Twitter, because that is a social-networking site primarily dedicated to the dissemination of breaking news about the genitalia of tennis-ball-headed pop stars. But before you click away from this post in disgust, can we all first agree that this is a terrible nickname for Justin Bieber's penis? Here are 10 better names, off the top of our heads, with very little forethought: