Charlie Sheen has been doing a pretty admirable job of staying in the public eye post–Tiger Blood era, thanks to a now pretty much entirely ironic career and the host of tireless enablers that keep it trucking along. A "totally random" cameo here, a frank quote about his ex-wife there — in about a year the long tail of the Charlie Sheen news cycle will have leveled off to Lindsay Lohan-grade ignorability, but we might as well ride this out.

For a long while there, Lindsay Lohan’s burnout was exclusively depressing: predictable, repetitive, and, outside of a few courtroom fingernail messaging incidents here and there, just plain uninspired. Things, however, just got a touch more interesting. Hours removed from her messy Porsche wreck (the latest word from TMZ is that Lohan might have lied to the cops when she said she wasn’t driving, an offense that could get her probation revoked), a juicy new role for Lindsay has been announced.

If it wasn't utterly dumbfounding, it'd be almost comforting in its predictability: a black actor gets cast as the President of the United States in a movie, and that movie's plot line inevitably involves the world going to hell.

Next up is Jamie Foxx, who's in negotiations for White House Down, a Die Hard–style thriller in which Secret Service agent Channing Tatum has to stop a paramilitary group from taking the president and everyone inside his home hostage. (Foxx, who is still wrapping up shooting on Tarantino's Django Unchained, hasn't officially been made an offer, but Variety reports that the outcome looks promising.)