Nicolas Cage knows that he's the man in the meme. In an interview with Moviefone following the Toronto International Film Festival screening of Joe, a David Gordon Green–directed drama in which Cage plays an ex-con who mentors a 15-year-old boy (played by Tye Sheridan), Cage addressed his virtual footprint, a FrankenCage crafted out of YouTube clips and blogs like Nic Cage as Everyone. Cage has previously stated that he doesn't mind the Internet's obsession with him, and reiterated to Moviefone that the coverage helps him stay "relevant with younger generations" who might otherwise have passed on ancient artifacts like Deadfall. Cage may be weird — he shops in excess, he loves comics so much that he named his son Kal-El and took the last name of Marvel figure Luke Cage to distance himself from his uncle Francis Coppola — but the eccentric celebrities who tried to outbid him on his dinosaur skull simply can't compete in the meme arena. Cage, who doesn't have a Facebook or website of his own, says that confronting his digital double is unavoidable, because people will send him links to Tumblrs featuring his face and "I'm like, 'I don't know! I don't know why this is happening!'" A Cage and a twin, locked again in the claustrophobic embrace of a metafilm.
Since the very public unraveling of Amanda Bynes first began, some of her fans have kept up hopeful speculation that she has just been clowning us all. While we would love it if Bynes were actually just secretly filming a mocu-reality celebrity performance art update of A Woman Under the Influence with Gus Van Sant, it seems pretty obvious by now that this is not the case. Bynes's evolution into a bewigged diva has been motivated by an obsession with video girl Blac Chyna, whose style Amanda's object-crush Drake has confessed to admiring. After her bong-dropping blue-headed stint in New York, Bynes returned to her home turf this week, the Los Angeles suburb of Thousand Oaks, perhaps coincidentally located not too far from Drake's own West Valley mansion.
On Monday she was arrested after a local passerby found Bynes accidentally setting fire to her pant leg while purposely setting a small gas fire in the driveway of a stranger's residence.
For a nation that claims not to give a hoot about the royal family, we sure did give a lot of tweets (and Facebook real estate, media coverage, and gender guesses) in honor of the occasion of the birth of the son of Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. The Prince of Cambridge weighs a respectable eight pounds, six ounces and his name will remain a mystery until the family departs from the hospital. The crowds waiting outside of St. Mary’s Hospital and Buckingham Palace for a first glimpse of the neonate celebrity are a varied mix of reporters, younger fans of the “modern couple,” and old-school royalists (an 82-year-old man told a reporter for Time, “I love the ceremonial aspect. I am retired now, so that is all I have” — and now I hope you, too, are picturing him as the soup man from Groundhog Day). Celebrity babies — be they third in line to the throne or the youngest person to get on the Billboard charts, as Blue Ivy Carter did when her first gurgles and cries appeared on “Glory” — are important by virtue of bloodline, and unlike people who have to whittle themselves into interesting figures to score attention and wealth, proving their talents and slowly morphing into people who seem worthy of note, the presence of these extra-special babies is written into our cultural narrative as soon as Us Weekly goes on bump watch.
Lindsay Lohan has announced her first post-rehab plans. She'll be doing an eight-part inspirational docu-reality series for Oprah on OWN! It'll only cost Oprah's fledgling network a paltry two million dollars, from a deal Lohan signed while still in rehab. After a rocky start, OWN just had its best quarter ever, having settled comfortably into its niche: tear-jerking interviews with troubled celebs like Lohan and Rihanna, documentaries about unfair media portrayals of women like Miss Representation and Dark Girls, and two shows from Tyler Perry (one comedy, one drama).
By comparison, Lohan got paid $300,000 for Liz & Dick, $200,000 for Scary Movie V, a million dollars for Playboy, and did The Canyons for scale ($6,480).
When Christina Hendricks's and Olivia Munn's phones were hacked and their private nude photos released online earlier this week, they both denied that the photos were real. (Go ahead and "do a Google" if you need to find them; they're not hard to track down.) In Hendricks's case, she did admit that her phone was hacked, and I know it's possible they are not her boobs in the photograph ... but girl? They sure look like your boobs. It's unfortunate that so much of the discussion about Hendricks is focused on her (awesome) boobs, because she is really an amazing actress. The undeniably gross ethics of this kind of hacking aside, these are not the worst nude photographs ever taken. They are flattering enough, and mostly in corsets? There are topless shots, but nothing like full spread or anything. The self-objectifying isn't that weird since these are actresses we're talking about. Munn has a couple of full body shots in lingerie, which would be no more risqué than publicity shoots she's already done if not for the obvious "intrusion of privacy" feel of the cam-phone shots and the extremely NSFW captions addressed to "Chris," presumably Chris Pine, with whom she was linked in 2009.
Those of you who follow me on Twitter I'm sure have noticed my sick love of poking fun at celebrities. I am frequently asked why I pick on two celebrities in particular, Chris Brown and Kim Kardashian. More often than not, people ask me why I hate them so much. I felt this would be a great opportunity for me to clear the air. I don't hate anyone. However, I do take issue with certain situations these two have gotten themselves into. Now, I fully understand that we are all human and we all make mistakes. I am definitely no different. If I were being watched 24/7, I'm sure I'd come across like a silly chick who curses too much and I'd end up addicted to antidepressants. The great thing is, I'm not famous. I'm a comedy writer and I produce a newscast. Everything I do is behind-the-scenes and I prefer to keep it that way. While comedy writing falls into the "entertainment" category, I don't consider myself an entertainer. Now, if I went and did something really off-the-wall, people could totally find out about it. The thing is, I have something called morals. I would NEVER physically abuse someone and I would NEVER film and distribute my own pornography tape featuring myself. Call me old-fashioned, but that's just me. With that said, I'd like to break down for you my reasons for making so much fun of Kim and Chris.
"Here you will find a timeless energy of beauty & thought. It touches everything! Strength, Confidence, & endurance. Get caught looking; exclusively for you!"
— Courtney Stodden's webpage
"It's really interesting how people, how the world, is trying to figure out what it means to have an extension of our identity, or a whole new identity, online."
— Tavi Gevinson
Courtney Stodden is the child bride (17) of Doug Hutchinson (51). Quick quiz. Is Stodden:
a) A professional model
b) An elaborate drag ruse
c) A typical teenage girl
d) All three
The answer? Somewhere between C and D. Courtney Stodden is a 17-year-old aspiring pop star who can be generally described as "mature-looking." She looks less like a teenage girl than a middle-aged divorcee attempting to look like a woman in her early 20s trying to look older. She recently married Hutchinson, a character actor who played "Horace Goodspeed" on Lost, "Loony Bin Jim" in Punisher: War Zone, and various small roles with names such as "Ifty," "Baseline," "Hoop," "Obie," and "Sproles." Most notably to me he played "Tooms" in two terrifying episodes of The X-Files.