The Oscar race begins not with the firing of a starter pistol, or the boom of a distant cannon, or the rattling of the windows of the Academy's headquarters as a formation of F-16s hired by Harvey Weinstein streaks past. It's much quieter than that: It begins with the publication of a digital daguerreotype on Entertainment Weekly's Web presence, and its subsequent, instantaneous distribution across the entire online kudosphere, that announces to the world: It is on, bitches.

Fear the beard.