Today Forbes unleashed its list of the highest-paid celebrities. The most recent list, which charts cash monies acquired between May 2011 and May 2012, is an amazing list, mainly because it's full of surprises. I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL YOU WHAT THEY ARE.
Look, we’re not saying AMC is broke. (That’s so last month!) We’re sure the upstart prestige netlet is just doing just fine financially. Between their recent stock offering and their new line of licensed The Killing ponchos (“Because when it rains it pours.”) the channel should have no trouble keeping Matt Weiner in vintage stoves for at least another decade.
Just yesterday Vulture, in a thorough, prescient think piece, asked the question, “What’s really going on at AMC?” Today we may have an answer: They’re broke. Not in terms of quality or prestige, certainly — not even the infamously unsolved murder of Rosie Larsen can take the shine off Don Draper’s cufflinks or Walter White’s meth lab. But there’s no other way to receive the announcement of how, exactly, the network plans on killing time between now and March, when Roger Sterling can finally start drinking again.
Congratulations are in order today for Dr. Dre — he just sold 51 percent of Beats by Dre, the headphone line he flogs relentlessly, for $309 million. This is great news for layabout future generations of the Dre lineage, and even better news for Dre himself: He's spent much of the time since the release of his beloved album 2001 claiming to be working on its follow-up, Detox. In the past year, activity has ramped up, with Dre both agreeing to be photographed for the cover of XXL with distractingly oversized chess pieces (cover line: “Yes, Detox is coming”) and releasing two indifferently received singles, “Kush” and “I Need a Doctor.” Throughout, though, he hasn’t come off as particularly into Detox. At this point, it seems like he's releasing it more out of obligation than anything else. But now he doesn't have to! If he were to forget all about Detox right now, no sane person could possibly be upset. That’s because $309 million ($309 million!) is universally understood to be enough money to unmotivate anyone from doing anything. Sure, Dre was rich already — but $309 million? If he wanted to, he could put out a statement this afternoon saying "Believe me that I had every intention of completing Detox and upholding the proud legacy of The Chronic and 2001 but, then, you know, $309 million." And everyone would be like, "Oh, right! No worries." Freedom, Dre — how’s it taste?
It seemed like a sure bet: put Paul Blart star Kevin James in a movie full of celebrity-voiced zoo animals, crank up the air conditioning, and let the money roll in. But in its first weekend, Zookeeper opened to a measly $21 million, barely meeting its studio's lowered-expectations and finishing in third place behind an R-rated comedy starring Kevin Spacey. What happened? Was it the clumsy marketing? A bad release date? Crappy reviews? Maybe. Our best guess, though? The animals were too big.
Winning an Oscar is the ultimate validation of an actor's work — but it won't pay for private school! So when the bills come due, lately it seems like even the most serious thespians will step over Terrence Malick to get to the nearest green screen (and easy paycheck) to deliver crappy dialogue into a 3-D camera. 2011's bumper crop of sequels, remakes, and general schlock has built swimming pools in the backyards of some of our most revered actors. But at what cost to their dramatic cred? Exactly how much of the shine have they taken off their Academy Awards? And which actor did the most damage this year? With Oscar-winners currently stinking up theaters in Larry Crowne and Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Grantland's department of made-up entertainment-related statistics decided to find out.
