Even though it's set in the world of '80s hair metal, the upcoming Rock of Ages is, of course, an adaptation of a Broadway musical, so it seems absurd to be concerned in any way about how "metal" it feels; to obsess too long over that particular aspect of the endeavor would be like calling in a zoologist to complain about the mane-integrity in Cats or a roller derby player to critique the skating in Starlight Express. (Don't worry, we just used up all our Broadway references in that sentence.) But this new trailer leaves little doubt that Rock of Ages is about as metal as a dirty Swiffer pad, a bowl of undercooked pasta, the Quaker Oats guy with a Prince Albert. And, you know, that's fine, they're singing Warrant songs, they're not doing the entirety of Ride the Lightning. But it's been kind of a weird year for metal, so maybe we're a little preoccupied, but we're not going to get too worked up about Chicago With Aqua Net, we promise.