When we last checked in on KimYe, the duo was entering that tenuous stage, inevitable in every fledgling young couple's relationship: the reality TV debut. It was adorable. On this season's premiere of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, as Alex Pappademas helpfully explains, "Kanye shows up. He's less all-caps and more aw-shucks than we're used to — smiling, mumblingly un-mic'd, answering fashion queries from Kim while staring at her feet. (She asks, 'Don't you think this clutch is too busy?' He does not.)" So, yes, clearly, things were going well. But that was nothing compared to the brazen displays of adoration we're now witnessing. Here are the facts: While the rest of the world hasn't yet heard it, Kanye has written a song called "Perfect Bitch," and that song is about Kim, and Kim thinks it's really, really sweet. Of course she does.
Bigger-than-usual doings this week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, a terrible show that is also the flame I hold my hand over, G. Gordon Liddy–style, to demonstrate my loyalty to television.
Increasingly torn between House Kardashian and House Odom, Khloe (ever more clearly The Smart One, by virtue of being The One Who Doesn't Even Try To Conceal How Profoundly Over This Bullshit She Is Anymore) continued her doomed, Michael Bluth–like quest to extricate herself from her family's squabbling orbit; Kim attempted to lure Khloe back into the fold by blasting old family photos out to her 15 million-plus Twitter followers, which is totally the kind of thing a normal person does when trying to heal a family rift. Everyone except Bruce flew to New York for the opening of Scott Disick's new Meatpacking District restaurant, Ryu, for which "notoriously hard-to-please Yelpers" have apparently had "less-than-kind words." Rob Kardashian, who is always sad about something, was sad about the delaying of his own passion project, a line of dress socks. (Later, Kim consoled him by saying, "My Tyler Perry movie, a huge production, got delayed — to make it better.") People continued to feed Mason candy, the cornerstone of any healthy toddler's diet.
Oh, and Kim introduced her family to her new boyfriend, a well-dressed, soft-spoken young man named Kanye.
