Rihanna had a Caribbean-themed 24th-birthday party in Beverly Hills on Monday night at Hearst Mansion, which is not Hearst Castle, but how rad would it be if Rihanna rented out Hearst Castle and made Citizen Riri? Guests at the party included Chris Martin (sans Gwyneth), Bruno Mars, and Rihanna's showbiz best friend Katy Perry. They ate Caribbean food and cupcakes while a DJ and drummer entertained. The best part is the cake she was given at 2 a.m., which featured a frosting topless representation of Rihanna on her stomach straddling a giant blunt. How amazing is it to be given an erotic cake with yourself on it? It's giving me flashbacks to the terrifying Tom Petty video for "Don't Come Around Here No More." Cigars were handed out and champagne popped around mermaid ice sculptures with vodka luges, as a brass band played reggae tunes. It all sounds insanely lavish, like a pop-music remake of The Great Gatsby that I would watch.