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Chris Paul vs. RuPaul vs. Ron Paul: Your Definitive Guide

By Ari Voukydis on
Ru Paul Book
Angela Weiss/Getty Images

An Olympic medalist and NBA superstar. A right-wing ex-gynecologist who wants to legalize heroin. A famous drag queen and reality TV host(...ess?). What do they have in common? They're all going to be on your TV this spring, and they all have the same name. Thank goodness, Grantland is here to help you tell them apart.

Merry Christmas!

Know Your Pauls

CATEGORY CHRIS RON RU
Able to convert national popularity into actual winning No No Kinda
Has a lot of gay friends (just Rudy Gay) No Yes
Surrounded by trash-talking bitches Yes Yes Yes
Thinks the Civil Rights Act may have been a mistake No Yes No
Old-school baller? No Yes Um, yes and no
Totally cool being called "she" No No Yes
On record as willing to hit his own mama in order to win Yes No No
Has fresh, interesting political ideas No No No
Beloved in Downtown L.A. Yes No Yes
Could be president some day Anything’s possible No Anything’s possible
Has likely seen thousands of vaginas Yes Yes No

(That last joke is based on Ron Paul being an OB/GYN. We like to keep it uptown and classy.)

Ari Voukydis is a New York-based comedian.

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