Welcome back to our series Rembert Explains the ’80s. Every so often, we'll e-mail 25-year-old Rembert Browne a video from the 1980s that he hasn't seen. Rembert will write down his thoughts as he's watching it, then we'll post those thoughts here. This week's installment was selected by Grantland editor-in-chief Bill Simmons: "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran. If you have an idea for a future episode of Rembert Explains the '80s, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Rembert's note: The album cover for Rio will always be one of my favorites. That girl's earrings were so long.
0:03 That laugh in the beginning was the work of a little Indian girl? Never would have guessed, but that's just the CUTEST.
0:08 Where was this shot? This doesn't look like Great Britain.
0:23 Oh, there's snake charming. If this isn't documentary footage, I'm calling this potentially racist. If someone uttered, "Can anyone get access to a snake charmer? No? Well, can we pay some kid to pretend to be a snake charmer? Oh, we can? Great," I'm calling it triple racist.
0:31 Good lord, this song is good.
0:32 Good lord, Simon Le Bon is cool.
0:41 I am forever jealous of Le Bon, because he just did the coolest thing one can do, that being flipping a table. And he didn't even get asked to leave, because this is make-believe (unless, as noted earlier, this is a documentary).
0:42 Got so caught up in the table flipping that I haven't the first clue why he flipped the table. All he did was say "do do do" a bunch, take off his Hellboy glasses, and then apparently get fed up and table-flip. Short temper, Mr. Bon.
0:46 The people in this flea market he's storming through have no idea what is going on. Did they even ask permission to shoot this? This video screams colonization. Did this part of the world become a British colony after the "Hungry Like the Wolf" video won a Grammy? So many questions.
0:55 I've never known what they were so hungry for. If Simon was so hungry, why did he flip that table? Pretty sure there was food on it. Hungry for colonization, maybe? Were they sent by the British? So confused.
This is the one-second subliminal flash of the woman I'm assuming Simon is hungry for. There is really nothing that interferes with the complete domination of someone else's land like an indigenous love interest. CLASSIC INTERFERENCE.
1:12 Oh HELLO THERE, “80s graphics department.
Confused by what you're looking at? Oh, that's just the page turning from one scene to the next. That's all. Just fantastic. Could people in the “80s not understand scene changes unless allusions to books were made? Not hating, just purely curious.
1:14 Simon's on a boat now. I wonder where he's going? Going to find his lady? Probs yes.
1:21 Pretty rude guy, Simon is. He's not even paddling. Just looking.
1:22 Oh hello there, forest people. Can't wait for your existence to never be explained.
Wait, are these the other members of Duran Duran? What are they looking at? Are they hungry for Simon? WHAT IS GOING ON.
1:27 Strike that last thought, I think these two white guys running in the streets of wherever this is are some of the band members. Again, I don't think this little kid they're talking to knows he's in a music video, and is simply reacting to these two colonizers asking for directions.
1:31 The one in the headband showed the confused kid a picture of Simon. So, I guess they are on the hunt for him because he's disappeared to go find that lady in the woods? I guess? Also, I'm pretty sure the headband member of Duran Duran:
Is Corey Haim:
But I digress ...
1:35 Simon, now on a rickety bridge, almost just died. BE CAREFUL, LE BON.
1:42 I would really like to know where this was set. Can I get a flag or something? I'm starting to think it's not India, for which if I'm right, my sincerest apologies to the young laughter girl in the beginning for calling her "Indian." Sorry, I don't see color. Only stereotypes.
1:44 In five seconds, they randomly showed a kid rolling a tire, a woman's legs in a short skirt, and an elephant. This is hilarious.
1:54 I think the hunt for Le Bon has ended, because Corey Haim Duran just found a girl to make out with. And you think you know a guy ...
1:56 Simon is walking through the bog, water chest high, I'm assuming still on the hunt and/or after "you."
2:02 Another member of Duran Duran just made out with someone else, and then one second later turned into a cheetah. Interesting.
2:12 This little kid saved Simon, who had passed out on a large rock, by getting him some water.
Good thing, because if Simon died, he never would have been able to do this five seconds later:
The art of sneaky seduction, by Simon Le Bon.
2:27 Simon is chasing after his girl, but I have a feeling his girl doesn't want to be his girl because she seems to be running away from him. Le Bon, just let it go. You can't win ’em all. Go back to your band. Y'all probably have a show tonight.
2:38 OK, I really don't know what's going on. The past and present are going back and forth at an alarming rate and I can't keep up. Have he and the girl met before? Was that them making out earlier? Were they previously at a party? Where is Corey Haim Duran?
2:39 Back in the forest, but now Simon has face paint on. I'm about to give up on following this plot line; it's detracting from the song.
2:42 The two "lovers" keep spotting each other. I feel like they're about to run into each other.
Love at first BITE. (Solid joke.)
2:47 This didn't go according to plan for Simon. She immediately slashed him with her nails. Poor guy, he just wanted a lifelong mate.
2:56 Um, so the next scene is Simon and his non-girl fighting in a pile of leaves like two hyenas. She's winning, probably due to her home-court advantage. Everything about this video seems wrong. Like, 100 percent of it. Who approved this?
3:07 And now they're kissing. Like, with tongue. Ew.
3:19 This whole video is some weird Simon Le Bon exotic violent cat sex Raiders of the Lost Ark fantasy. Did no one (his band mates especially) stand up and at least say, "Wait, Simon, is this another one of your weird exotic violent cat sex Raiders of the Lost Ark fantasies?" Not one person? Wow.
3:30 I guess it's hard to really pick a fight with this crazy guy.
One wrong word and he might flip a table on your face.
"Hungry Like the Wolf": perfect example of a song that is so good, the video can be about cat sex colonization and still be on MTV two times an hour for an entire decade.