Welcome back to our series Rembert Explains the ’80s. Every so often, we'll e-mail 25-year-old Rembert Browne a video from the 1980s that he hasn't seen. Rembert will write down his thoughts as he's watching it, then we'll post those thoughts here. This week's installment was selected by Hollywood Prospectus editor Mark Lisanti: Max Headroom interviewing Sting on the first episode of The Max Headroom Show. If you have an idea for a future episode of Rembert Explains the '80s, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
0:02 What is this, Mark. What on earth is this.
0:19 Is he a robot?
0:30 So the robot TV interviewer's name is Max Headroom. What is a Max Headroom?
0:36 How do I take audio screenshots? Nothing is happening visually, but he's not saying real English words. He's scatting, I think.
0:43 Confusion. I feel you, Sting.
I'm making the same face.
0:44 This is like the original Punk'd.
0:52 Oh, now he's finally asking questions. I hope Sting just throws the television on the ground and walks out. You know, the old Andrew Garfield/"MARK"/Social Network move.
0:56 I'm pretty sure Max Headroom
is an animatronic version of Christopher Titus.
Until proven otherwise, I will continue to assume this is true.
1:27 Wait, what's going on? Sting is seeming to like this interview and is playing along and is not furious like I am. Why is he behaving so civilly? Why hasn't he gone Gallagher (or, at the very least, Black Gallagher) on this TV set?
1:38 Max is really rude. He just yawned while Sting answered a question.
1:56–3:00 Complete gibberish. Could only make out about eight words in more than a minute. And no, I'm not going back and listening to it — that would imply a level of caring that I don't have when it comes to Titus Headroom.
3:20 This is the worst interview ever. He just asked Sting about his favorite color of shoes. Why are there six minutes left in this?
3:38 OK, Max and Sting are finally having a good conversation, about him being politically conscious and performing in countries that might not know English as well. Is Max being a jerk while they are interacting? Of course, but anything's better than a 30-second black shoes discussion.
4:34 MAX JUST ASKED ABOUT SHOES AGAIN. WILL SOMEONE UNPLUG THAT TV.
4:44 Oh, and then a 10-second shoe montage. Ugh.
4:46 AHHHH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT SHOE SIZES
5:30 Another montage, this time including beach balls and ice cream cones.
5:37 Max: "Sorry, Sting, back to shoes for a second." Now I'm just mad at you, Lisanti. Maybe you're Max Headroom. Mark Headroom. HEADSANTI.
5:41 In case you were wondering, Sting likes sandals. Wow, this is the worst.
6:27 No lie, I just fell asleep. I wish I hadn't woken up.
6:45 Headroom is doing his scat-man routine again. Who approved this? What channel was this on? Sting wasn't broke in 1985, what the what?
WHAT THE WHAT?
6:59 Another Max Headroom doppelganger: Jim Carrey as Fire Marshall Bill.
If someone ever asks me about The Max Headroom Show, I'm just going to respond with "It's the opposite of In Living Color."
7:25 He's still talking gibberish. I think you, the reader, should go to another website right now.
7:30 I'm about 30 seconds away from just listing people that don't look like Max Headroom. Where is Sting?
8:00 Still no Sting.
Via Wikipedia, this is is a list of people killed in duels.
- Gabriel Spenser, Elizabethan actor, by Ben Jonson on Hoxton Fields, London — 1598
- Sir John Townsend, English politician, by Sir Thomas Browne on Hounslow Heath, London — 1603
- Peter Legh, English politician, by Valentine Browne — 1640
- Francis Talbot, 11th Earl of Shrewsbury, by the Duke of Buckingham — 1668
- Sir Henry Hobart, English politician, by Oliver Le Neve on Cawston Heath, Norfolk — 1698
- Charles Mohun, 4th Baron Mohun, perennial duellist and James Hamilton, 4th Duke of Hamilton, in Hyde Park, London — 1712
- Peder Tordenskjold — 1720
- George Lockhart, Scottish politician and writer, Jacobite spy — 1731
- Richard Nugent, Lord Delvin, by Capt. George Reilly at Marlborough Bowling Green, Dublin — 1761
- Button Gwinnett, signer of the Declaration of Independence — 1777
- Richard Dobbs Spaight, delegate to the Continental Congress and Governor of North Carolina, by John Stanly — 1802
- Alexander Hamilton, former U.S. Treasury Secretary, by Vice President Aaron Burr — 1804
- Thomas Pitt, 2nd Baron Camelford, English peer and naval officer, by his friend Thomas Best near Holland House, London — 1804
- Charles Dickinson, by future president Andrew Jackson — 1806
- Charles Lucas, legislator in Missouri Territory, by U.S. Senator Thomas Hart Benton—1817
- Armistead Thompson Mason, U.S. Senator from Virginia — 1819
- Stephen Decatur, American naval hero — 1820
- John Scott, founder and editor of the London Magazine — 1821
- Joshua Barton, first Missouri Secretary of State — 1823
- Henry Wharton Conway, Arkansas politician — 1827
- Évariste Galois, mathematician — 1832
- Robert Lyon, last Canadian duelling fatality — 1833
- Aleksandr Pushkin, Russian poet and writer of the Romantic era, by Georges d'Anthès — 1837
- Peter Simpson, English Painter— 1837
- Jonathan Cilley, U.S. Representative from Maine, by William J. Graves — 1838
- Mikhail Lermontov, Russian poet and writer of the Romantic era — 1841
- George A. Waggaman, U.S. Senator from Louisiana — 1843
- Samuel Hamilton Walker, Texas Ranger and U.S. Army officer — 1847
- David C. Broderick, U.S. Senator from California — 1859
- Lucius M. Walker, Confederate Civil War general — 1863
- Ferdinand Lassalle, German socialist leader — 1864
- Manuel Corchado y Juarbe, Puerto Rican poet, journalist and politician — 1884
- Felice Cavallotti, Italian radical leader — 1898
- Euclides da Cunha, Brazilian writer — 1909
None of them look like Max Headroom.
8:13 Max Headroom laughs at his own jokes. This is torture. I'd rather watch a rom-com with Mario Chalmers. Know that when I say "with," I mean sitting next to Mario Chalmers, while we watch a rom-com starring Mario Chalmers.
9:41 They ended by talking about golf. Mario, pick up your phone.