ANSWERING THE HEADLINE QUESTION
'Will Gwyneth Paltrow Finally Get Her Own Iron Man Suit?'
By Mark Lisanti on
Please no.
Bonus Gratuitous Attack on the Gwyneth Paltrow Lifestyle Brand!
Necessary Features for a Gwyneth Paltrow Iron Man Suit:
- Onboard 18,000-RPM Breville juicer
- In-flight Jarvis™ cyber-concierge personalized with Chris Martin's voice
- Integrated Pinterest account
- Gesture-activated red-pepper enema cleanse
- Dual-chambered torso wine decanter
- Racial insensitivity early-warning system in helmet heads-up display
- Decapitation-resistant neck-joint reinforcements
- Totally out of Gwyneth Paltrow jokes, something in the area of a weird baby-name generator?
- OK, we're done now.
