Previous Episode Recap, in 140 Characters:
I can't remember anything about the last episode because I saw Step Up Revolution & it's the best movie I've ever seen so sry #PLL #secrets.
— Rembert Browne (@rembert) July 31, 2012
We pick up the episode just where the last one left off, with the Liars trying to break into Maya's blog. They still can't figure out the password, which is frustrating everyone. Finally Emily, who has been uneasy with this blog, steps up and types something.
She definitely put in her own name. 100 percent. Proof:
I guess I didn't know her I well as I thought I did. — Emily
We've all been there, Emily. When I learned that my mom's e-mail password wasn't "rembertmywonderfulson," I was crushed.
Next, we see Emily and Nate in a cabin. Nate, in addition to spitting game at Emily at every turn, is beginning to be a tad bit creepy. And scary.
I never understood how someone could do that. Kill someone. — Nate
And then he goes on to discuss how he could have killed Garrett. Obviously, Emily's a little freaked out, but then he reassures her (in his mind) by telling her not to be scared of him, which I think is what killers always say to people right before they kill them. PLEASE DON'T KILL EMILY; I'LL NEVER RECOVER.
Next, we see Aria walk into Ezra's house, but there's a surprise guest: Ezra's mom. What's interesting about Mama Ezra? She's rich. Blinged out from head to toe. Ezra chalks it up to divorce money, but something seems up. Ezra better not be rich, because then I'll start thinking he's not a drug dealer.
Episode Theme 1: People who are sketchily rich.
Back to the computer hacker scene: No one can figure out the code. After many a try, Spencer gives up and she suggests the only hacker she knows. She says "Caleb," but it took me a few moments to remember who that is. Then I remembered:
After this, Toby storms in on Spencer and Hanna. Hanna runs upstairs. Toby is mad because Jason left town and now Toby and Spencer could be potentially screwed because they're still lying to the police about the hit-and-run. Did I mention that Toby is MAD?
He storms out because he wants answers and knows Spencer won't give them to him. This could be bad.
After Toby storms out, we see Emily approaching her maybe-sometimes-ladyfriend Paige. She wants to have the conversation about their respective blackout nights by way of the flask. Paige is reluctant to go back down that road, but Emily convinces her.
Next, we're transported to the coffee shop (second only to Central Perk as Most Important Coffee Shop in Television History), and Hanna and the British guy from the institution are chatting about Mona. Apparently they're going to move her away. This is bad, and Hanna is trying to convince him to find a way to not let that happen. After some convincing, however:
FAUX-RIGGINS IS BACK.
He walks in, however, sees Hanna with the Brit, and walks out.
FAUX-RIGGINS NO LONGER BACK.
The next day, Spencer sees Faux-Rig at school pull up in a new, nice car. (See Episode Theme 1.) They talk and she convinces him to help crack the code. It takes some convincing, however, including Spencer telling Faux Riggins the whole story about Maya and the blog.
Episode Theme 2: The Liars are telling too many people too many things.
After this, we see Spencer in her house with Aria, and they notice Spencer's lawyering snitch mom's bag is there. Spencer screams out "Mom," no one answers, so they start digging through the bag and find Garrett's file. And then they start taking pictures of the file. I'm sure someone will find these pictures. I'm sure of it.
After this, we see Emily and Paige. They're on a run, but it's more like Emily is chasing her because she wants to tell her something. Finally, they stop and Emily tells her about the night she was drugged and the grave site (see: Episode Theme 2.) Paige stops her and tells Emily some huge news.
Emily was with Paige that night.
What happened between Emily and Paige? Their interaction:
by Rembert Browne
you kissed me
i didn't stop you
i didn't want to stop you
it was like a dream
(and then what happened)
I cried while I wrote that.
Anyway, after learning that Paige made out with a drugged Emily, we see Faux-Rig and Spencer on a couch, talking about hacking. They were friends and all before, but they're being super cuddly and cute right now. I'm serious. Look.
TOBY BETTER WATCH HIS GIRL.
HANNA BEST WATCH HER OLD MANS.
And then, as if things weren't getting any hunkier on his side, he hacked into the blog. I'm impressed. So is Spencer.
They start watching videos, including one of Maya, who is super emo and creepy and at one point says that the site is "cursed." I'm sure she's not kidding.
After this scene, we go to Aria and Ezra at a benefit that is honoring Ezra's mother. It is at this point that we learn Ezra has old money. LONG money. That's why he didn't want her to come. This is just like Step Up Revolution.
Episode Theme 3: Everything in life is just like Step Up Revolution, especially rich parents hating poor people.
Ezra comes clean, says that he's not embarrassed by her but embarrassed by snooty family. Aria's not mad, but rightfully says, "I think you owe me something for all those ramen noodles."
They kiss, and then later on, Ezra's mom comes over and talks to Aria. It starts off cordial, and then it becomes clear she hates Aria and was only being friendly to lure her in so that she can destroy her. She blames Aria for everything bad that's happened to Ezra (getting fired, mainly). At the end of their struggle over Ezra, mom essentially says she'll pay off Aria to get out of Ezra's life.
Aria storms out. Ezra confronts mom, mom denies everything, and then Ezra lays this on the mom:
"There's not a generous bone in your body."
THIS IS ALSO JUST LIKE STEP UP REVOLUTION. SERIOUSLY, GO SEE THE MOVIE.
Other stuff happens toward the end of this episode, but it all comes down to this:
Oh yeah, I almost forgot:
Episode Theme 4: MAKE OUT WITH ANYONE YOU WANT.