First, a couple of Florida reps flamed Jay-Z and "the diva Beyoncé" for their trip to Cuba. Then Hova responded with "Open Letter" ("Politicians never did shit for me except lie to me, distort history, wanna give me jail time and a fine Obama said, 'Chill, you gonna get me impeached. You don't need this shit anyway, chill with me on the beach'"). And then things got really good: Press Secretary Jay Carney found himself in the strange position of explaining to a press conference that (a) it was a song, y'all, and (b) "I guess nothing rhymes with treasury." Sure, there are some near rhymes (wild celery, feathery, telephone directory), but they really do lack punch. I'd beg someone out there to remix this video, perhaps adding AutoTune or launching an entire web series devoted to White House press events dissecting Snoop Lion's stance on same-sex marriage or the political relevance of "Hey Porsche," but I'm sure there's a mastermind already at work.
- Because I care about Emily Yoshida and her passion for Game of Thrones: Thrones goes Facebook and Updog.
- Brandi Glanville posted, then deleted, a photo of herself after
a spin in the rotisseriea very rough laser treatment. Has she ever done this with a photo of her vaginal rejuvenation? Because "tight like a tiger" isn't exactly conjuring the vivid imagery I'd suspect she intended.
- MTV may be retiring its rowdy gang of mothers.
- Louis C.K., "accidental white person," on race: "My experience is as a Mexican immigrant, more so than someone like George Lopez. He's from California. But he'll be treated as an immigrant. I am an outsider. My abuelita, my grandmother, didn't speak English. My whole family on my dad's side is in Mexico. I won't ever be called that or treated that way, but it was my experience."
- The Way, Way Back, which Fox Searchlight purchased for $10 million after a bidding war, has unveiled a trailer. Puberty and water parks, man. Always.
- The Walking Dead's Glen Mazzara is in talks to pen a prequel to The Shining titled The Overlook Hotel. Better work quick, before we all Room 237 ourselves into padded cells. Thumbs-up to the commenter who wrote, "I’m really excited for 'Tarnished: the Story of Jack Torrance, Hotel Waiter.'"
- American Idol has been forced to skimp due to its bad ratings, and is now reportedly charging $1 for cottage cheese. "What's next, pay toilets?" Shhh, don't give them any ideas.
- Libations del Rey: cocktails inspired by the trout pout.
- Your soy milk wants you to have a million babies.
- “The scorpion pepper creeps up on you, getting incrementally fiercer over the course of a minute or so until your whole face feels like it has turned into lava.”
- Django gets pulled from Chinese theaters, while The Daily Show blows up on Chinese website Sina. Speaking of China, I'm still so sad about KDAY.
- “Roger [Ebert] was just there for me, in a way that few people in my life have ever been. It meant the world to me.” —Martin Scorsese
- Here's Seth Rogen shooting David Krumholz over and over, spray-painting penises on buildings, neglecting to curb his dog, and cooking meth with Walter White. The things charity can do!