Scene: Tauheed Epps (commonly known as 2 Chainz, playing character Calvin "Pearlie" Jones) is being attended to in a massage parlor, when Odafin "Fin" Tutuola (Ice-T) and Benson (Mariska Hargitay) bust in to question him. The following are all of his lines. Mad-libbed.
1. "Aw, yeah. Right there, I (eat/like/need/respect) that."
3. "Come on, man. You know I can't carry. I'm on (crack/parole)."
4. "Whatever it was, I told that (nice lady/bitch/stripper/skrippa/ombudsman/big booty guhl) I wasn't interested, (brah/bruh/bruh bruh)."
5. "(Dude/Y'alls/The economy) is crazy. Crazy enough!"
6. "You come in here and want to bust me for (yams/a gun) you planted? Man, do your thing, (magistrate/dog)."
7. "God damn. You want me to (snap/wig out/talk/lament)?"
8. "Listen, this (trick/man/dignitary) will (peel/melt/karate chop/exfoliate) my (face/dreads/chains/chainz/tattoos) off, (sew/knit/gorilla glue) it onto a (milk carton/Source cover/soccer ball/billboard), and (punt/kick/javelin/mail) it into my (pen pal's/mother's/grandaddy's) (Gucci store/yard), so you might want to go ahead and (shoot me/crown me/check my credit score/ignore my credit score) because I ain't (a libertarian/2 Chainz/no snitch)."
Truly an incredible 69 seconds. The entire episode is below (2 Chainz = 16:48-17:52)
Super secret answers:
4. bitch, bruh
6. a gun, dog
8. man, peel, face, sew, soccer ball, kick, mother's, yard, shoot me, no snitch
[h/t Robert Charette for reminding us that this happened.]