Did you happen to wake up this morning thinking You know what would really get me through this week is if a buoyant IDGAF Beyoncé banger leaked? Good news, then! "Grown Woman" — the track that Miss Knowles has already been playing on her Mrs. Carter world tour, and that appeared, in snippet form, in her Pepsi commercial — has now entered the world in full.
There's still no official word on any thing to do with the fifth Beyoncé album, and so no certainty that "Grown Woman" is even on it. But what is a sure thing is that "Grown Woman" is here, right now, for you to rock with. Produced by Timbaland and co-written by The-Dream, it's a joyous little shoulder-shake affair, all chutzpah and freedom and sex-pace preferences. ("I can be bad if I want / I can say what I want / I can live fast if I want / I can go slow all night long.") When titans like Beyoncé release lead singles, they're supposed to be world-changing, face-melting, traditions-of-music-history-shattering affairs. And if "Grown Woman" does end up being that lead single, we'll have to scrutinize it as such. For now, though, we get to enjoy it in the fuzzy comforts of lowered expectations.
And that's not all from the good lady. Her buddy The-Dream has put up his entire new album, IV Play, for streaming on YouTube, and that includes "Turnt," his collaboration with 2 Chainz and Bey.
Here, Beyoncé works in the service of The-Dream's bedroom-freak persona, and kicks the track off with even more sex stuff: candlelight undressing; letting her paramour "beat it up" until she "black[s] out"; engaging in back-of-the-limo action inspired by the brief but passionate love of Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton. Whew.
And, OK then, that just about sums us up. Feel free to go about your day.
Oh! Right! You wanna know what the hell is going on with Beyoncé's baby! Right, right, of course.
OK, to recap: After Bey canceled her Antwerp date last week, rumors started flying that she was pregnant with child no. 2. E! News actually confirmed she indeed was, and everyone on the planet immediately started planning the world's largest and greatest baby shower. But Beyoncé just pretended like it all wasn't happening: She apologized for the missed tour date and then went right on back to work (Munich! She's coming for you tomorrow!). On Monday, Jay-Z apparently e-mailed Hot 97's Ebro Darden to tell him the rumors weren't true. (Related: Darden has Jay-Z's e-mail?! Let's kidnap that guy until he gives up the pertinent information. SC@gmail.com? YoungHov@hotmail.com? JiggaGettinFiggas@AOL.com?) And today Beyoncé released a tour video explaining she was recently diagnosed with tonsillitis. No baby! Just throat ailments! Of course, yes, it could all be a complicated ruse from America's First Couple of Pop Music. In which case, I want to preemptively say: Why do you play with our emotions so, Beyoncé and Jay-Z?