Thursday, June 28, 2012
Where's Total Recall's Three-Boobed Hooker? Here's Total Recall's Three-Boobed Hooker!
By Mark Lisanti
Some months ago, upon the release of an earlier Total Recall trailer, our esteemed colleague Alex Pappademas fretted, Hey, where's that nice, tri-mammaried sex-worker from outer space? I don't see her here, and I was explicitly guaranteed the return of a mutant prostitute with three breasts. (We paraphrase, but that was the thrust of the piece.) Sure, if you dug deeply enough into the movie blogs, you could find promises that the new Recall team knew where its triple-boobed bread is buttered, but the video evidence of such was nonexistent.
Well, sort of. The safe-for-work tease in just-released trailer above is probably all we're going to get in the way of a sneak peek, because it would be literally insane, a box-office-extinction-level event, for the studio to show us how much cinematic cleavage-enhancing technology has advanced in the last 22 years without requiring a ticket purchase. (Let's be honest here: Colin Farrell's not the main draw.) Just know that if you pay, they're going to deliver three handfuls (their words, not ours) of the goods, and hopefully make us all forget how profound a creative mistake they made in not casting Ken Jeong as Kuato.