|GRANTLAND.com: Hollywood Prospectus|
Katie Holmes: "She's more of a Holme-run than Holmely!"Zoe Saldana: "Her boyfriend Bradley Cooper just ended his reign as Sexiest Man Alive, but that doesn't give Zoe license to let herself go!" This article made me so mad I don't know what to do with it. Oh well, I guess it's your problem now too!
Emma Stone: "Channeling Kurt Cobain!"
Miley Cyrus: "Miley looks just like any other pierced, defiant, punk-rock youth"
Rihanna: "In desperate need of a nap!"
Kirstie Alley: "Mom-esque appearance"
Julianne Moore: "Redheads can sometimes look washed out with a little mascara"
Kim Kardashian: "Blemished skin and puffy eyes"
Geri Halliwell: "The oldest of the Spice Girls, Geri spent years lying about her age before Victoria Beckham outed her for being over 30."
Reese Witherspoon: "Like a typical mom of three"
Adele: "Virtually unrecognizable"
Tracy Morgan: "There's only one thing that I'm taking when I leave the show, and that's my TJ chain. I worked on the show for seven seasons — it's mine! One day, it'll go in the Smithsonian."Misc/Etc: "CUDDLE FEST!" "bathing blue-ty" "did the hokey pokey on the beach in Malibu" "gave Taylor Swift a piggyback ride" "an on-stage groping" "kill the frown" "looking aghast at a fried potato kabob" "glasses make celebs look smart and sexy" "the Mad Men star ponders the meaning of life" "explain the theory of relativity" "no pumpkin pie for you!" "gets along better with edgy women" "When she falls in love, all common sense disappears" "her mother's plus one to nightclubs and parties" "It was sad. She seems so sweet in her movies." "Friends are warning her to pump the brakes on her whirlwind romance" "Is Kanye dressing Kim to look fat?" "Happily engaged forever?" "A separate entrance to the cave" "the paperless marriage" "the teenager the world watched grow up" "Gone are their days of making out on the beach in Hawaii, not caring who's watching" "the sweet girl who is mistreated by the remorseless ladies' man" "they may have a superior job, but we are all equal"
Jack McBrayer: "It will probably be the page uniform — who else would want that polyester thing? The white-trash museum?"
Grizz Chapman: "I have my eye on a pair of Jordans in Tracy Jordan's room, and I want those sneakers bad."
Max Greenfield (Schmidt): "Guys are easy. A 'hello' and 'What's your name?' will get any man."Jessica Biel Loves Constricting '50s Undergarments: "I mean, the underwear that we wear now is just, ugh, boring, who cares? Let's wear that stuff again!" Ha-ha, have fun wearing '50s underwear and being married to Justin Timberlake.
Jake Johnson (Nick): "First, show up looking good. Have a nice line, but not too written. When a lady says, 'Can I get you a drink?' it's awesome."
Lamorne Morris (Winston): "Guys don't have time for games. Walk up and say, 'Wassup? I think you're great. Let's go do something.' I'm not playing!"
Plastic Surgery: These days, I do very little — just fillers and Botox. You owe it to people not to look like a dog if you can help it!" You owe it to yourself to do whatever the hell you want, Dolly Parton. You are perfect!Misc/Etc: "Bill would love it!" "Wrestling-ready leotard and high-waisted acid-washed jeans" "10 bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos" "wearing sashes that said 'boobs'" "The girl can hold a grudge" "some fresh fake blood" "this one takes the biscuit!" "complete with suckling babe!" "abs-solutely smokin' 43-year-old star" "imitating his model mom" "I am so grateful for my new lil family!" "It's something emotionally moving every thirty seconds!" "gives four sexy male models a thrill" "Helen Mirren cops a feel of Jessica Biel" "drinks like an Irishman" "It was a drunken mistake. Don't know how I thought it was cool." "shaved his head, got a tattoo, and hit the party scene hard" "I have tattoos and I mess around." "he has an infamous weakness for cougars" "a naked photo circulated" "everyone in the industry" "He's flaunting his sexuality with other girls while she's having health issues." "I'm sure he was advised to keep a low profile."
Dolly Slot Machines: "The players can listen to their favorite songs of mine! At the touch of a button, it changes songs. It's really not for hard-core gamblers. It's more like entertainment."
On Marriage: "You have to respect each other. The good thing about us is we're not stuck in each other's faces all the time. He's not in show business. I'm interested in the things he does, he's interested in the things I do, but they don't clash and collide. We're both good on our own, and we're happy together too."
Goddaughter Miley Cyrus: "I love Miley to death, and people are mean about her all the time. She's just trying to grow up and find her spot."
Guilty Pleasures: "Yes, but you don't tell something that makes you feel guilty! It's a secret!"