|GRANTLAND.com: Hollywood Prospectus|
Enter Nany: Accuser of Derek, simultaneous carrier of four tallboys, finger pointer at Frank the Alcopsychoholic, recipient of Frank the Alcopsychoholic's verbal wrath.
Enter Derek: Screamer at Nany, pusher of Rob With Two Bs, recipient of Marie’s physical wrath.
Enter Frank the Alcopsychoholic: Creator of chaos, destroyer of peace, master of conflict, recipient of a mush from Dustin.
Motivation: Insanity/alcohol/more insanity/more alcohol
Enter Alton, Devyn, and JD (in background): Observers of all, sayers of nothing, recipients of airtime.
Enter Robb: Holder-backer of Derek, drinker of the absinthe and antifreeze cocktail, recipient of Derek push.
Motivation: Absinthe mixed with antifreeze. Duh.
Enter Marie: Defender of Rob With Two Bs, pusher of Derek, accidental murder-attempter of Sam, recipient of Sam's attempted retaliation.
Motivation: Defense of “her man”/insanity.
Enter Sam: Holder-backer of Derek, calmer of nerves, recipient of head smash against concrete column.
Motivation: Peace. (So, of course, she is the one who almost dies.)
Enter Chet: Caretaker of Sam, wearer of hat that says “Chet,” recipient of airtime.
Enter Zach: Possessor of gigantic muscles, holder backer of Frank, recipient of Frank hug.
Motivation: Frank hug.
Enter Trishelle: Defender of Nany, drinker of tallboys, recipient of verbal attacks from Dustin throughout the episode (15 points).
Motivation: Unclear. Like, super unclear.
Enter Dustin: Defender of Nany, self-puncher, empty threatener (15 points), musher of Frank, recipient of many “you used to do gay porn” insults.
Motivation: Insanity, and … nope, just insanity.
1. “I want to take this kid out. He thinks he has all these big, bad muscles, those are just porn muscles. That is all it is.” (Note to self: film, edit, and market “porn muscles” workout video.)Marie (The Challenge, Jacoby), 30 points: During the fracas, Marie pushed Derek, who bumped into Sam, who hit her head on a concrete column and almost died (25 points). But that was nothing compared to the verbal evisceration that she gave “her man” Robb after he couldn’t dive 25 feet deep to retrieve a buoy during the challenge (5 points). After a full season of her toying with Robb in St. Thomas, I can’t watch this lopsided relationship anymore without cringing and wishing that Robb would say terrible, hurtful things to her and then hook up with half of the women on the production staff. Alas, he did not. He simply responded, “You know, I deserve better than this, I deserve better than bleeping you.”
2. “How is weak when you’re your bleep, bro” (I have been trying to figure out what the "bleep" was for two days and still have no clue. Ideas are more than welcome in the comments).
3. “You are not but second bleep fast, you bleep flatfoot.” (Another mystery bleep, but more importantly … flatfoot? Is "flatfoot" code for something or is he just going after Nany’s flat feet? Please tell me it is the latter.)
4. "When you don’t act like a lady, you are going to get berated because you are being a fat bleeping bitch.” (Nany is not fat, but I feel like you can call any girl fat and she will lose her shit. Frank knows this.)
5. “Have fun in Buffalo, tell your sister to inject one more time.” (How in the world does Frank know that Nany’s sister is a heroin addict? Is he a demigod?)
Alton: “Spoiled … ”
Alton: “little … ”
Dustin: “Totally. A woman would have said, 'I gotta go.'”
Alton: “Exactly, and a woman would at least be quiet and listen to her men.”
Dustin: “I'm sorry for getting upset.”
Trishelle: “But you don’t mean it.”
Dustin: “Every time that I say anything that isn’t like, 'Trish, it's OK, it's fine,' you get defensive.”
Trishelle: “Because I am not used to being spoken to in a disrespectful manner.”
Dustin: “Disrespectful? That hurts.”
Trishelle: “You were like, 'Sit your ass down.'”
Dustin: “I said 'ass'? I said, 'Sit your ass down?'”
Trishelle: “Yes, several times.”
Dustin: “Those exact words, Trishelle?”
Trishelle: "Dustin, that’s why I can’t talk to you.”
Dustin: “I am a Southern man and you know I don’t speak to women that way.”
1. Ronnie wore a gorilla suit.
2. They talk about Ronnie wearing a gorilla suit.
3. Deena sleeps in underwear.
4. The go-go dancer is not a good dancer.
5. JWOWW ripped her pants.
6. Everyone wears T-shirts in Jersey.
1. Why did Nany yell at Derek in the first place (5 points)?Abi (Survivor, Jacoby), 5 points: Nobody likes Abi. Nobody likes Abi because she was super mean for the first month they were on the show and then at last week’s tribal they all went in on her for being super mean and she flipped it on them by playing the guilt card. Uh-oh, is this another GRTFL Top Five I feel coming on? Yes, yes it is. This week’s second Top Five is the Top Five Things That Abi Said in an Attempt to Garner Sympathy From Her Castmates, listed from “I don’t feel bad for her, remember when she went in on Blair from Facts of Life?” to “Oh my god, I am now hugging my television screen because maybe that will help her feel a little better”:
2. How did no camera catch Derek pushing Robb down?
3. Did Derek push Robb down?
4. Why is Chet wearing a “Chet” hat?
5. Were Jonna and Sarah really sleeping through the whole thing?
6. Is it possible to sleep through this whole thing?
7. Why is Zach wearing a purple shirt and a ponytail?
8. Am I the only one that noticed Frank acting all tough guy ‘bout it and then being all, “C’mon, Zach, let's go” when it came time to confront Dustin?
9. Did someone really use the term “jerk hole”?
10. Is “jerk hole” a term?
11. Are the kids saying “jerk hole”?
12. Why didn’t anyone get kicked off for physical violence? If mushes are in play, then I expect a ton of mushing in upcoming seasons.
13. Seriously, how did Frank know that Nany had a sister with a drug problem?
14. Again, why did Nany yell at Derek in the first place?
1. “Yesterday you guys were brutal to me. I never felt anything like that.” (5 crying points)
2. “It was horrible, it was the worst day of my life.”
3. “I am the most unliked person at this island right now.”
4. “There is no compassion towards me here. I have to have compassion towards myself.”
5. “For destroying me at tribal council yesterday. I was demoralized, I was ganged up on, I left there crying, I was generally crying, I just want to hear how you felt.”