|GRANTLAND.com: Hollywood Prospectus|
1. Frank: “Sam, come on, you look like an idiot.”
2. Zach: “Come on, come on …”
Sam: “It’s sinking.”
Zach: “I KNOW! EVERYONE IS SINKING! THE SAND IS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE!”
3. Frank: “Come on, Sam!”
Sam: “I’m trying.”
Frank (to teammates, in front of Sam): “I swear to God I am going to strangle her.”
4. Frank: “Having Sam as part of your team is like having 145 pounds of fat slabbed to your side. It’s a tumor. It sucks.”
5. Zach: “You stop one more time, I am going to bite your fucking face off!”
Horrible Host Jonny Moseley: “Frank, when you physically pushed Sam …"
Frank: “No, I didn’t actually, no, I didn’t …”
Horrible Host Jonny Moseley: “…to the ground.”
Frank: “No, I didn’t shove her to the ground …”
Sam: “Is there a video clip? Can we can see? Is there a video clip?”
Frank: “Jonny, I am going to tell you without you interrupting. I was pushing everyone up the damn hill. She can’t hold her herself up. I did not push her down, throw her in the mud, and stomp on her face.”
5. “I’ve played this before”: When Dustin and Trishelle had to throw a ring on a swing onto a hook on a pole, and if they missed the hook, they had to take a shot of sour camel’s milk, Dustin declared, “I’ve played this before.”
4. TJ’s hat: Out of nowhere, TJ rolls up in an ATV and is wearing a long-sleeve black button-up and a black winter hat. I'll spare you my 4,000-word essay on how West Coasters abuse the use of winter hats, but Teej, the African desert? Really? Were you trying to class it up for the finale? Is this your version of black tie? Were you cold? Are you an alien?
3. Reinventing the Wheel: If you'd just run across the damn desert and someone gave you some old tires, rope, and metal pipes, how would you get those tires through the rest of the desert? You’d roll ’em, right? Why? Because they're tires. Because tires roll and birds fly and that's the way the world works. What did The Challenge contestants do? Carried them. They carried tires, in the air, with their hands.
2. Math: When Ashley arrived at the Sodoku part of the challenge, she immediately took control and barked, “8, 5, and 3 — that’s 15.” She said it with such authority, I had to watch it twice to make sure she wasn’t right.
1. Deuces: At the reunion, Devyn was forced to retell the tale of nature calling in the middle of the desert, digging a hole, and taking care of business. If this doesn’t make the "Sh#t They Didn’t Show" episode, then they need to rename it.
1. Do they make good money?Brandi (Real Housewives, Simmons), 35 points: What Frank The Alcopsychoholic is to The Challenge, Brandi is to the Housewives franchise. They both bring to their shows some much needed youth, insanity, and “I will say whatever the meanest thing I can think of about you if you look at me the wrong way” juice. Brandi started this week's show all dressed up and being dressed down by Adrienne’s husband, Paul, in the middle of a big ol’ party (5 points). The next day, a story on Radar Online came out about her partying, and she accused Adrienne of planting it (25 points). Mind you, it could have been one of a kabillion other people at the party. Brandi then followed that up by accusing Adrienne of “buying” a book deal after learning that Brandi had one of her own.
2. Where do they get their clients?
3. What do they diagnose?
4. What do they cure?
5. Is this just a hustle and they just get paid to write Viagra prescriptions?
6. Are they called “shrinks?” I don’t think I would like that.
7. What type of art is on the walls in the office?
8. When I imagine a sex therapist, this is not the face that comes to mind:
9. How much does it cost?
10. Does it cost more or less an hour than an Olympian escort?
11. Would it be intimidating to sleep with a sex therapist? (Asking for a friend.)
12. Where does one study?
13. What percentage of sex therapists are creepy dudes just trying to get laid?
14. Can you tell that ever since I pasted that picture into this post, it's totally ruined my flow?
1. None of this is Faye Resnick’s business. Who goes to dinner parties and starts telling strangers about themselves?Malcolm (Survivor, Connor), 25 points: Malcolm should have won Survivor. He's likable, honest, won tons of challenges, and is a friend of Rembert’s. What more do you need to know? He should've won. This is probably why he dropped a catty “Congratulations, Denise!” while extinguishing his life flame (25 points) torch thingy.
2. I think Faye might be right. Brandi has no idea who hipped Radar Online to the story, she has no idea when Adrienne got a book deal, and she has no idea if Kim was a meth — well, to be fair, there were some warning signs on that last one.
“I am extremely happy that my sister is sober, but I don’t think that she is making a clear decision on wanting to all of a sudden address these issues with Adrienne”