This is the last episode of the third season of Pretty Little Liars, the season that sent the show from popular fad to mini–cultural phenomenon. During this season, real-life Aria graced the cover of Cosmopolitan, real-life Hanna starred in the future cult classic Spring Breakers, and The Atlantic wrote a piece about how the show "reinvented the slasher." Great strides for something that once wasn't even the most popular show on ABC Family.
But this episode also represents the end of something else. These recaps.
Previous episode recap, in less than 140 characters:
spencer is possessed by demons, demons are scary, so is spencer. —Rembert Browne (@rembert) February 20, 2013
We first see our Liars huddled around a table, discussing 'A,' CeCe, the girl in the red coat, and whether they're all the same person. Spencer's technically back in the loop, but is still off in her own world, mentally, and gets called out by her girls for not paying attention.
spencer is cray, spencer is cray, spencer is cray, spencer is cray, spencer is cray, spencer is cray, spencer is cray, spencer is cray, lies — Rembert Browne (@rembert) February 13, 2013
We begin with the Spencer-less Liars (soon to be known as just the Liars, potentially), in the hallway trying to figure out where their fallen soldier is. As they weave their way through school, they overhear an argument between Spencer and her once-trusty Academic Decathlon friend. Sounds like Spencer skipping a practice has cost her a spot on the team. Spencer, hair frizzy and ever losing it, loses it.
It is no surprise the one episode I forced myself to skip a recap for, due to being in New Orleans for the Super Bowl, found a way to be not only the most exciting episode of the season, but also the one in which we finally see EVIL TOBY IN A NOT-SO-EVIL DU-RAG:
cow brains, cow brains, cow brains, cow brains, cow brains, cow brains, cow brains, cow brains, cow brains, hot tub makeouts and GRANDMAAAAA — Rembert Browne (@rembert) January 16, 2013
We begin with Aria at home, watching an old black-and-white film on a television perched uncomfortably high up on the wall. Then Lena's favorite, LORD BYRON, rolls in trying to play it cool. Aria's still mad, because her dad accused her of blowing up his girlfriend. (Literally, not like "blowing up her spot." Like, explosives. Pyrotechnics. Fireballs.) Anyway, he comes in to apologize, because he claims the school found out who did it. She's not really having it, so he walks away creepily, as she creepily watches him walk away, creepily.
On October 24, I began the Adam Lambert–filled Halloween crazy death train episode by saying, "it's been almost two months since we last saw the liars, a break that I'll be the first to say has not been enjoyable." Well, here we are again, two and a half months later, and finally we have another episode. Thankfully, this one — a great one — is followed by 10 more episodes over the span of 10 weeks, so we've officially pushed through the rudest part of the PLL calendar. Congrats to all, even to those who have developed irreversible coping habits in the process.
A word of warning: We're getting to the point in this show where it's beginning to get increasingly difficult for someone to just jump in and follow along.
It's been almost two months since we last saw the Liars, a break that I'll be the first to say has not been enjoyable. My life has taken a turn for football and book reading (both important, but different), while m'gurls have been a little too busy on non PLL-related things for my liking. Lucy Hale (Aria) was on the September issue of Cosmopolitan talking about lady things, Ashley Benson (Hanna) is apparently dating a guy named James Franco, and every other girl on the show probably is sitting at home, hating the fact that Ashley Benson gets to date a guy named James Franco.
Thankfully, instead of making us wait until the official second half of the season (January 8), the show decided to throw us a bone by putting on a Halloween episode. The only three things I knew going into this episode:
I don't know I'm scared who cares about last episode this is the finale I'm so scared what if I'm the killer or what if it's my roommate???? — Rembert Browne (@rembert) August 29, 2012
Tonight's episode starts off with everyone crying. Why is everyone crying? What happened? Nothing horrible happened at the end of last episode. WHAT IS GOING ON?
HANNA STABBED HERSELF, HANNA STABBED HERSELF, HANNA STABBED HERSELF, HANNA STABBED HERSELF, HANNA STABBED HERSELF, HANNA STABBED HERSELF lol — Rembert Browne (@rembert) August 22, 2012
We open with Hanna at home with Spencer, trying to find something fashionable to wear — you know, to cover up her self-inflicted stab wound. She picks a long dress that happens to be her costume from Mamma Mia! While this is happening, Spencer throws out a classic line about the Brit, and refers to him as "Downton Grabby."
Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.
The Week the Women Went (Lifetime)
Who Is This Now? Tammy. Why Are We Watching Her? Mere hours before she (along with every other woman age 18 and over) is to leave her town of Yemassee, South Carolina for a week, she's just heard that her son Justin is about to propose marriage to his girlfriend, Amy. How Did She Get Here? She coddled the hell out of Justin, and now she can't handle the idea of another woman replacing her in his life. What's the Grossest Thing We See? "My relationship with Justin is beyond a mother and a son," says Tammy. "I do everything for him except I don't wash him. If he wanted me to, that might be another story." When Justin does propose (and Amy accepts), Tammy says, "I feel like my whole world has been taken from me." What Have We Learned? For Tammy to spend a week away from Justin is a good start. A few months might be even better.
I was never a big Gilmore Girls fan, but my mom was. Much like Rory and Lorelai, we were a single mom/only child duo, and back in the show's WB heyday, I would often coast through the living room as she settled in with the denizens of Stars Hollow, lingering for a few minutes before eventually getting bored and going back to see if my crush was on AIM. My mom's insistence that much of its content would resonate with me — Rory writes for her school paper, too! Rory likes Belle & Sebastian, too! — failed to really sell me. For me, the WB's main function had been to bring me the high angst of Dawson's Creek, which I had decided was much more "real" than the comparatively family-friendly Gilmore Girls. Once I got my hands on a copy of The Sopranos on DVD, it was over — I could have all the moral ambiguity and unpleasant people and situations I could stomach, with a sufficient amount of prestige to make me feel smart for watching it. Between the dawning Golden Age of Television and my problematic Tarantino obsession, I had gotten it into my head that there was a corollary between quality and misery. My mom, on the other hand, would frequently balk at my choices when we'd hit up Mr. Movies on Dollar Monday — while I was eager to drink in Magnolia's endless barrage of suffering, misfortune, and frogs, I think she took at least two breaks to go play Snood.
The episode starts with two of our liars, Aria and Spencer, discussing Maya's blog. Aria's freaking out because she saw a picture of Maya with the same sketchy wrist tattoo from The Night. Spencer's hearing her, but not having any of it. Why? She forgot to apply early-admission to Penn and got a B on a test, so her life is collapsing. Oh, and her boyfriend hates her. So she's got other stuff to deal with.
Hanna is at home, doing her girly Hanna thing, and then — knock knock — it's her best friend, the Detective. He's just in the neighborhood to let her know that they need a blood sample. There's new evidence and the blood on the anklet matches her blood type. You know, O NEGATIVE. Also, multiple witnesses saw Hanna leaving that hospital room where she switched the notes. Hanna denies everything, but she knows she's screwed. Good grief is the Detective good. He might actually get her one of these seasons.
Birthday Parties. BOOZE. Everyone is at the hospital, sEcReTs LiEs. NATE. Notes Everywhere, Pills Everywhere, LUCAS EVERYWHERE. sEcReTs LiEs. — Rembert Browne (@rembert) July 18, 2012
We find two of our liars, Spencer and Hanna, in the hospital, replacing the note in Garrett's mom's room with a new note in an attempt to lure "A," per usual. Hanna is super eager to forge this note, because apparently that's been her thing since seventh-grade P.E. Can't lie, her skills are pretty great.
