The Entourage movie, as you may have heard on the Internet, or perhaps seen written in the finest sky-calligraphy by the coke-white contrail of a private jet transporting five best friends to a premium-tequila-fueled orgy on Majorca, is a go. A GO.
The Entourage movie — a go, if you hadn't heard, a delicious, delicious go — produces news at such a breakneck pace that we've added four analysts to the beat, lest some tray-passed morsel fall to the floor before we can greedily devour it. When you're on 'Rage duty, eternal vigilance is required; there is precious little time before the gang reunites before the cameras (in January, tell your personal assistant to tell Siri to mark your calendar), and so many dreams to catalogue, so many overflowing champagne flutes to hold aloft in celebration of the most-anticipated cinematic event of 2014. The Moët is chilling; we are not. We are here to serve. We are your spiritual Turtles. But enough about us and our behind-the-scenes efforts: There is news to discuss.
To review: The Entourage movie is a go. It has become hard to even recall a time when there was a possibility that the whole beautiful, gossamer thing — once seemingly about to be transformed into a feverish nightmare clockwork of egos, double-dealing, and unbrotherly mistrust by the dream-gobbling demon that is Hollywood — might dissipate in the harsh reality of daybreak. But that didn't happen. We now all wake up, every single morning, in a world where the golden Los Angeles sunshine dances over the shimmering infinity pool and into the master bedroom, whispers a gentle It's all happening in our ear, and prompts us to roll over and discover the Entourage movie sprawled out beside us. And no one ever asks, "Was it good for you?" because the smile says it all. Everything is perfect, always, forever. Turtle's on his way over with a joint and a sack of impossibly warm bagels flown in from Queens on Ari's private jet.
Wednesday night's news that the Entourage movie is a go was a huge relief to Vinceheads everywhere — there hadn't been so much unbearable tension in the Chaseiverse since it took Vinnie a full two minutes to coax an attractive grocery bagger into a quickie on a crate of baby kale behind the West Hollywood Whole Foods — but it came with the very real worry that the prolonged contract negotiations might turn the boys against one another. Well, that was just a stupid thought, because (1) #EntourageBoysShare, and (2) bros before back-end participation, always. Jeremy Piven, briefly at the center of the holdup over his taste of the profits, shared this Instagram photo of the gang reunited over the weekend.
The twisted tale of the belabored Entourage movie has now reached its inevitable, quite necessary juncture: At least according to The Hollywood Reporter, the reason this thing is delayed is because of Jeremy Piven. Of course it is.
Earlier this week, a self-incriminating Instagram post had the world's fingers pointed at Adrian Grenier. As he wrote, "The spirit of Entourage is about sharing the opportunities given to us and I will sign any deal that gives ALL the boys an opportunity to share in the upside of success EQUALLY. I assure you, despite the perception, there is no greed in my heart. Remember, it will all work out in the end. It always does. ------ I will try to answer questions with hashtag #entourageboysshare"
Just in case you haven't kept up with every last hiccup on the road to the Entourage movie, here's a quick breakdown of the last few days. First, Mark Wahlberg, being so extremely and wonderfully Mark Wahlberg–y, basically said the thing would happen when some mf'ers stopped being so greedy.
To all Entourage fans. I owe it to you to make a couple things clear. I take my role as Vince on the show & off very seriously. All decisions I make personally & for business are for the principle of friendship and brotherhood. It has, & never will be about the money for me. I promise. I will always stand up for the boys (that includes you) & do what I can to make sure they are treated fairly, and not be taken advantage of by anybody. The spirit of Entourage is about sharing the opportunities given to us and I will sign any deal that gives ALL the boys an opportunity to share in the upside of success EQUALLY. I assure you, despite the perception, there is no greed in my heart. Remember, it will all work out in the end. It always does. ------ I will try to answer questions with hashtag #entourageboysshare
Yes. #entourageboysshare. Please keep refreshing. To be safe, do so every three to five minutes.
Do you ever wonder what the cast of Entourage is up to now? I know I do, every day of my life. Here's how I picture it:
Adrian Grenier (Vince) watches Teenage Paparazzo on Blu-ray on a flat-screen the size of the world's biggest pizza and marvels at how presciently it doused our current cultural maladies. "I am a great director," he mutters aloud, perhaps to the Estonian models strewn around the waterbed sofas, possibly to no one at all.
Kevin Dillon (Johnny Drama) works on his deal to turn Viking Quest into a direct-to-web series, pitching it as "House of Cards meets Game of Thrones" to three bags of cocaine, who immediately buy it.
It’s Friday night, and we’re in a mansion high atop a mountain somewhere in nearby Deer Valley, the kind of place that doesn’t have an address. A cab driver takes me over. He reminisces about the old days at Sundance. “I’ve had some crazy times, man.” I ask him what he means. “Oh, you know: big parties, hot tubs, cougars.” He’s a local, remembers sending the yellow cabs that drive up from Salt Lake City during Sundance on wild goose chases around town. But GPS put an end to that, he says, sadly.
Which I’m grateful for tonight, actually: It’s all we can do to find the hotel at the base of the mountain, where in the lobby I give my name to a waiting factotum, who dispatches another factotum, who brings another car around. I get in and we drive for a while, heading up the hill. There is no address because this road is private: We pass through one gate manned by a security guard, and then another, pairs of leaping deer glinting off the ironwork. Up the mountain we go, making lefts and rights at seeming random, speeding up in the dark.