Us Weekly

Prince Harry Is Out of Control: En route to Las Vegas the ginger prince "had two things in his sights: vodka and women." And I'm all out of bubble gum. "The trip was like The Hangover, only without the monkey." That's The Hangover II; The Hangover had a tiger. "He was naked for a long time at the party. He kept spilling his drinks and dancing. He didn't seem to care what he did." But after photos leaked online, the British monarchy expressed their extreme disapproval. "Harry was pressured to delete his secret Facebook account, on which 'Spike Wells' could post ginger jokes on himself and interact with pals." Spike Wells LOLs. The party binge started on Necker Island for Richard Branson's son Sam's 27th birthday. "The plan was just to sunbathe, swim and get drunk. With the booze flowing, Harry lived up to his wild kid-brother rep, doling out kisses and sloppy hugs." A friend says, "Harry's a funny drunk, but he always seems a bit vulnerable." Perhaps he's been thinking about his mother Princess Diana, as it comes up on her death's 15th anniversary. "Dirty Harry" has had a trail of scandals, including brawls with photographers, reports of using racist epithets, and his famous 2005 Nazi Halloween costume. Harry may have been trying to "force the queen's hand all along" with his recent nude billiards antics. "Harry has been making a case for a redeployment to Afghanistan, which he worried the palace would deem too dangerous. He's definitely going now. The royal family will want to redeem his image. This sort of move is very clever. Clever like a ginger fox."

In February of this year, the Russian punk band Pussy Riot — 24-year-old Maria Alyokhina, 22-year-old Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, and 29-year-old Yekaterina Samutsevich — staged a performance/protest at Moscow's Christ the Saviour Cathedral, in which they recited a "punk prayer" featuring the lines, "Virgin Mary, Put Putin Away." (You can see the performance here.) They were arrested and charged with hooliganism, and during their months-long trial, they faced a sentence of up to three years in prison. During that time, they became a cause célèbre, with everyone from Paul McCartney to Madonna to Alicia Silverstone weighing in with their support. (The former Miss Match star was particularly concerned with Pussy Riot's diet: "Dear President Putin ... may I please have your assurance that Ms. Alekhina will have access to vegan foods?") And Kathleen Hanna, the original riot grrrl, has just spoken at length to Pitchfork about her support for the embattled punk-rock feminists. Of course, this being a different country and all, the Russians don't see it as a clear-cut case in defense of free speech. As GQ Russia editor-in-chief Michael Idov explains in a New York Times op-ed:

The Internet — the greatest invention for the discovery of unimaginable wonders since those machines where you could turn a crank for a haypenny and see a flipbook presentation of tuberculotic children limping after a rolling hoop — just as often force-feeds you rancid piles of nightmare fuel as it delivers gilded plates of unexpected delight. For whatever reason, this week has been particularly chockablock with viral horrors, four of which are presented below. It should go without saying that you should immediately close this tab and move on to something more pleasant, like that tiny puppy sitting on the iPhone. But if you proceed onward, do so knowing your day, if not your life, is about to be ruined. You Have Been Warned.