If you're like me, the idea of spending good American money to hang out with all the weirdos at San Diego Comic-Con (which is happening right now, as you probably know, since you are on the Internet right now) is unthinkable, what with the noise and the crowds and the screaming and the attendees' B.O. Starting with Super Size Me, though, Morgan Spurlock has specialized in films that document experiences most people would never want to undertake, and Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan's Hope is very much in the same tradition.
Instead of doing our normal back-and-forth about the week's newest movie trailers, we decided to discuss our anticipation (or lack thereof) for American Reunion. More often than not, we see things eye-to-eye. This film is not one of those things. Not even close.
Browne: So, Silver, the next installment of the American Pie franchise is coming out. We haven't talked about this at length, but I get the sense you're very excited about this film, which couldn't be more different than my feelings about it. What is it that excites you so much? Seriously, I'm confused. After that, I'll give you my initial semi-rude take on it and then, who knows? Maybe I'll go into this weekend with one really nice thought about Biggs and the gang. Or maybe I'll get even more mad. Who knows? Don't hold back.
The Internet — the greatest invention for the discovery of unimaginable wonders since those machines where you could turn a crank for a haypenny and see a flipbook presentation of tuberculotic children limping after a rolling hoop — just as often force-feeds you rancid piles of nightmare fuel as it delivers gilded plates of unexpected delight. For whatever reason, this week has been particularly chockablock with viral horrors, four of which are presented below. It should go without saying that you should immediately close this tab and move on to something more pleasant, like that tiny puppy sitting on the iPhone. But if you proceed onward, do so knowing your day, if not your life, is about to be ruined. You Have Been Warned.
Each week, marketers release new movie posters, many for films whose releases are still months away. But for those who know where to look, one-sheets can reveal studios' hopes and insecurities about their products. In this space, we will attempt to decode the hidden meanings of the week's new posters.
The Dark Knight Rises
What the art says: Batman’s mask isn’t rubber. It looks rubber. The replicas they sell on Amazon are rubber. But the real one is obviously not rubber. Maybe it’s ceramic or something? As for Bane, consider this poster final confirmation that he’s going to be a complete badass (again). How do we know? Because turning your back to the camera in the rain proves it. Just ask Rambo. What the text says: A title, tagline, release date and website. Even for movie poster obsessives, there’s not much to read into there.
Time moves faster in our Internet-addled universe. It seems like just recently our collective nostalgia cannons were pointed squarely on the 20th anniversary of Nirvana’s Nevermind and that only mere days ago we were celebrating the return of animated arsonists Beavis and Butt-Head. But our thirst for the thin gruel of the past is unquenchable: This April sets the clocks back to the summer of 1999 with American Reunion, the fourth film in the famous pie-fornicating franchise.
Holy crap, American Reunion looks depressing. The big selling point here is that they got all the original American Pie cast members back together — but that just forces you to consider the dwindling fortunes of these poor lost souls. Tara Reid, of course, leads the pack in general sadness. Chris Klein is a close second: It’s been more than a year, and his leaked Mamma Mia! audition is still the stuff of nightmares. Stifler was killing it (relatively) for a while, but then he went to rehab and disappeared. Jason Biggs has been trying to coast on Saving Silverman for a decade. Why are working actors Eddie Kaye Thomas and Alyson Hannigan in this? We can’t rule out the possibility that Rookie of the Year shank-threatened them into it. Anyway, the movie's first trailer arrived today and it revolves around Biggs masturbating into a sock again. (Yes, this means he will, at some point, probably bang another pie.) Sorry for ruining your day!
