This week, New York Magazine dove deep into Matt Lauer and the Today show's recent ratings slide/betrayal imbroglio. If you are not currently a housespouse, joyfully unemployed, and/or just really interested in how to spruce up an outhouse, and so haven't been paying attention, here's a breakdown: Back in 2011, Ann Curry replaced Meredith Vieira as Matt Lauer's co-anchor. Then, after just over a year on the job, Curry got bounced, for reasons related either to (a) a general unsuitably for the gig, or (b) a distinct inability to vibe with Lauer specifically (her teary, awkward on-air good-bye — at one point Lauer tried to plant a consoling kiss on her, and she ducked it — seemed to suggest the latter). And then: "After sixteen years as the No. 1 morning show in America, Today was worth nearly half a billion dollars a year in advertising revenue to NBC, the bedrock of its business. In the aftermath of the Curry debacle, the show lost half a million viewers and ceded first place in the ratings war to ABC's Good Morning America, losing millions of dollars overnight." Yikes.
Last night, CBS aired the 2012 People's Choice Awards, the only network-televised awards show to value the opinion of the unwashed masses over the critical and professional cabals who hand over their gilded Preciouses based on inscrutable, insidery criteria like "artistic merit." But here's the thing: The People are often wrong. The People have given us Two and a Half Men, at least three installments of Chipmunks movies, and flickering hope to a Rick Santorum presidential candidacy. And so we've taken it upon ourselves to look at some of the major PCA categories and decide who can keep their statuettes (what do they hand out, anyway? A giant crystal thumbs-up on a Big Mac base?), and which ones need to be redistributed in an attempt to correct any miscarriages of popular justice.