Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel: "You could safely call him a groomzilla." Having gotten over his "inability to commit," Timberlake threw himself into planning the $6.5 million ceremony, renting an Italian resort for the wedding and flying guests in on chartered jets. "Justin planned a series of mini-celebrations leading up to the evening ceremony. Guests were treated to a seafood feast followed by a fireworks display on the beach the day they arrived." He chose Biel's "6-carat princess-cut engagement ring without consulting her" and "picked out Jess's gown from sketches. She trusts him." Well, that's her first mistake.
Look, I’m smart enough to know that I’m not smart enough to understand all the implications of the breakdown between DirecTV and Viacom. But I would like to point out that one of the results of the breakdown in their negotiations, the fact that I no longer have Viacom channels in my living room, is un-freaking-acceptable. I don’t care how much you charge me, DirecTV — I will pay anything, absolutely anything, to get Real World, Snooki and JWOWW, and Love and Hip Hop Atlanta back in my life because “We have to get me some damn TV. I need my channels back.” You hear me, DirecTV? This has already gone to a weird place. On Thursday night, I considered reading a book.
Here are the leading scorers from a week that really put a spotlight on what is hindering The Bachelorette this season: Emily Maynard can’t carry this show.
Look, I’m going to be honest: The Bachelorette will never have the magic that The Bachelor has. Watching two dozen guys bro down as they wait their turn to woo a woman will never be as captivating as the catty, competitive, low-self-esteemapolooza that is watching two dozen women vie for the hand of the same man. It just won’t. However, there is still value in the testicle spectacle that is The Bachelorette. So much value that we have decided to once again add it to the GRTFL. That means we drew up some show-specific rules and divvied up the dudes:
The Bachelorette-Specific Rules: Calling Emily a pet name: 5 points Giving Emily a gift: 10 points Mentioning Brad: 10 points Claiming another bro is there “for the wrong reasons”: 10 points Having Emily question your potential as a parent: 20 points Comparing an ostrich egg to Emily: -10 points (one time only) Winning final rose: 50 points
Draft results:
Joe House (Ryan, Chris, Lerone, Stevie, Travis)
Jay Kang (Allesandro, Nate, Aaron, Kyle)
Mark Lisanti (Jef, Joe, Charlie, Alejandro)
Connor Schell (Sean, Doug, John, Tony)
David Jacoby (Kalon, Michael, Jackson, David)
Bill Simmons (Arie, Brent, Randy, Jean-Paul)
While the addition of the Bachelorette bros has ramped up the scoring in the GRTFL, none of them could match the dominating performance of Survivor’s Kim the Single Owner of a Bridal Shop Who May or May Not Have Hypnotic Laser-Shooting Angel Eyeballs. She really did the damn thing.
