The 2012 Billboard Music Awards aired last night. Many absurd things took place. "Empress of Soul" Gladys Knight presented Best Male Artist and screamed "Lil Wayne" for probably the first time in her life, Carly Rae Jepsen performed her sensation "Call Me Maybe" while donning an outfit from the dELiA*s spring seasonal catalog, and 75 percent of legendary rap group Goodie Mob were, again, presented as Cee Lo's Pips for both the song "Fight to Win" and a weirdly awesome MCA tribute, by way of "Fight for Your Right." Also, for those of you convinced of the Mayans' end-of-days predictions, Lil Wayne's The Carter IV won Top Rap Album, which is just a hard thing to hear and then to see in print the following day.

There was also a Whitney Houston tribute, which is my cue to stop talking about everything else.