What would happen if the world lost electricity, the lifeblood of modern society? NBC's Revolution, which premiered last night to (surprisingly?) strong ratings, has the answers: Civilization would quickly collapse. People would start sawing cars in half and converting them into horse-drawn buggies. There would be an acute shortage of asthma inhalers.
And then we'd start murdering each other with crossbows.
As a service to you, the reader who may have skipped Revolution in favor of Monday Night Football or a time-shifted Mob Doctor, we have cataloged every crossbow death — and there were many — in the pilot. Do with this information what you will (i.e., use it to watch only the parts where there is crossbow-delivered justice; the show wasn't very good once you got past all the crossbow killings).
A four-minute super trailer for The Irrepressible Dr. Spider-Man MD premiered last night during America's Neediest Dance Crew, or something! It appeared to contain about 23 percent previously unseen footage, but did feature 100 percent more C. Thomas Howell, who shows up in the 90-second burning-minivan-rescue scene at the start of the trailer in the role of fan-favorite character Somebody Help Me My Kid Is Trapped. Oh, and when Spider-Man (played by Andrew Garfield, possibly the handsomest person ever to make a living playing nerds) swings into action, there are dubsteppy womp-womp noises. This is because dubsteppy womp-womp noises are the best thing to happen to movie-trailer cutters since "Solsbury Hill" — sick drop in the Battleship trailer, bro! — and also because this is not your [insert name of uncool older person, like your father, or Joe Biden, or your older brother who's really nice but just kinda still doesn't have his whole thing together lifewise]'s Spider-Man.