Miley's Pregnancy Trap and Liam's Wandering Eye: According to this story, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth waited to break up because she underwent a pregnancy scare over the summer. "Miley thought she was expecting and wanted to announce it to the world, even before she went to a doctor to verify the results. Liam begged her not to go public yet. He was emotionally out of the romance for months by that point, though he was still sleeping with her. She agreed to stay quiet for Liam's sake. But Miley's silence came with a price: She essentially trapped Liam in the relationship, telling him that if he left her alone, she'd tell the world that he had abandoned her at such a delicate time. She begged him to stay and said that he could have his space, as long as he didn't break up with her." A million sad faces. "So Liam obliged. He got his freedom and she got the right to say they were still engaged." Poor Miley!
Fox's Comedy Tuesdays are back this week with some new, bro-ier blood, but we decide to take stock of its rhymes-with-Asmorkable flagship show, New Girl, as it enters its third season. This leads us to a discussion of the Friends sitcom model, the appeal of Zooey Deschanel, and whether or not babies are the death of comedy. We then turn to Britney Spears, her new Euro-clubby single "Werk Bitch," and her disastrous Good Morning America appearance. Nobody puts Britney on a helicopter! We take a moment to roll our eyes at Cher body-slamming Miley Cyrus, then finally turn our attention to Heroes of Cosplay, Syfy's reality show about people who dress up as fictional characters for fame and glory. We'll admit, this was mostly an excuse to talk about how awesome we think cosplay is, but we've never passed out at an anime convention because of a overzealously adjusted steampunk corset, so maybe we have it easy.
James Franco — a person who long ago traded sleeping for producing his varied brands of art, art, and more art — apparently has a new hobby: He's self-papping. In a series of photos posted on his Instagram feed, Franco dedicated the staged images to sites like Just Jared, Gawker, and Perez Hilton and graffitied them with MS Paint messages: There he is making out with a blonde woman in a car ("Look closely Mr. Roadhead!"), and then he's over there, kissing a dude ("Just a Franco afternoon," #gay). I guess when you're feeling violated, it makes sense that you'd want to take matters into your own hands.
Duke Dumont is a British DJ and producer who runs a label called Blasé Boys Club. He's a protégé of Switch and has his own volume of the FabricLive series. He's remixed artists like Lily Allen, Santigold, and Bat for Lashes. The '90s house music revival continues with "Need U (100%)," which recalls Crystal Waters's 1994 classic "100% Pure Love." The vocals are by singer Aminata Kabba, better known by her stage name A*M*E.
Best YouTube Comment: "why didnt he just press the stop button whilst it was inside him?" — Dr00pysp00n
David Lynch and Nine Inch Nails have come together again. Lynch directed the video for "Came Back Haunted," which somewhat unsurprisingly comes with a seizure warning and jiggly faces intercut with images of bug children and freaky masks. Lynch's and Reznor's paths have crossed before — "The Perfect Drug" was written for Lost Highway — but their styles are so complementary that fans are always coming up with new ways to smush their art together during their down time. Why not make it a trio and give Carly Rae Jepsen a call? Too crazy, maybe?
Harmony Korine's Letterman legacy gave us the inspiration for this week's HOF: a look back on all the times the predictable rhythm of a talk show has been shaken up by its guests and taken to another level, for better or, oftentimes, for worse.
Justin Bieber Cheated on Selena Gomez a Lot: "HIGH ON DRUGS, TEEN STAR JUSTIN BIEBER CHEATED ON SELENA GOMEZ WITH A SEXY STRANGER." Just before the holidays, Bieb had a "drug-fueled hookup with another girl." The drug was mostly weed, and the girl was voluptuous 22-year-old L.A. nursing student Mimi Jenson. They were introduced by Lil' Twist, and went to a weed store in Hollywood, a McDonald's, and then back to the hotel. There they "did a lot more than eat." I bet they got a hundred-piece McNuggets. They also "smoked pot and used a baby bottle to measure out the ingredients for sizzurp, the street cocktail made famous by Three 6 Mafia and Ke$ha." Mull that sentence, please.
It’s been quite a week for fans of announcements about arguably ill-advised musicals adapted from pre-existing pop-cultural properties! In the last few days, we’ve gotten word on a string of interesting shows in various stages of development. That includes all-singing all-dancing adaptations of:
The upcoming male-stripper epic, Magic Mike
The history of Motown, its legendary artists, and its founder, Berry Gordy Jr.
The rich back catalog of the Spice Girls
The life and times of Cher
And right now the only question is — which of these deserve to die, and which of these deserve to live? Sadly, Grantland won’t have any kind of say in the final decisions. But let’s break it down anyway.