Is Justin Bieber the next hot street artist? The answer is no, absolutely not, but don't tell the baby Biebs, who went tagging last night in Bogota, where spray-painting on public walls is legal. Although we were hoping for an airbrushed portrait of Selena Gomez as the angel of mercy, it turns out Bieber had someone else on his mind: Chris Brown! Bieber expressed his allegiance to Brown by painting "FREE BREEZY" in a squiggly purple arrow shape. He also wrote "CONFIDENT," "CHICKEN SHIT," and "SWAG" with a Stussy symbol as the S. I guess it's good to know that the youth are still drawing Stussy symbols on every available surface. He also drew a pot leaf with the caption "Relax" and a Muppety shirtless figure with a "THUG LIFE" abs tattoo and the inscription "R.I.P PAC." The Pac in this scenario refers not only to Tupac but to Bieber's beloved deceased pet hamster, also named Pac.
Here's one of those situations where you definitely want to know it happened, but you don't want any more than the bare minimum of information. Someone, a hairdresser called Ariel Ramirez, is deploying a furious melange of curses at someone else who has booted him from an SUV. The someone else is Guy Fieri, a man whose hair is as legendarily tasteless as his food. Fin.
The Dexter series finale was everything Breaking Bad’s closer wasn't: namely, pretty lame. Was there any way it could've been better? Like, if the guy who killed so many people over the last eight years tasted his own medicine, maybe? Quizzed by Vulture about how the writers wound up with that exact disappointing ending, Dexter producer John Goldwyn said, "How about that finale? They won't let us kill him. Showtime was very clear about that. When we told them the arc for the last season, they just said, 'Just to be clear, he's going to live.' There were a lot of endings discussed because it was a very interesting problem to solve, to bring it to a close." Scribble out "interesting," stick with "problem," and that's your show's new legacy forever, buddy.
Yesterday we saw the character posters for Metastasis, Univision's Spanish-language adaptation of Breaking Bad. They looked ... cool? Fine? As does this trailer? I'm fairly sure the opinion of any American who just finished watching AMC's series means less than nothing to Univision. What can I say? "They better have twists! Marie better wear blue this time!" "They better keep it the same! I'm skeptical of this cooking-on-a–school bus business." No. I’ve got nothing. I'm sure it'll be a lovely, upsetting experience for many millions of humans who speak Spanish and who haven't seen BrBa and are utterly unfamiliar with its plot.
Back in 1990, Siskel and Ebert interviewed George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Martin Scorsese about "the future of the movies." At the time, the directors were in their forties; they answered questions about plans for sequels, whether we're ever going to see Spielberg's dark side ("I haven't shown myself my dark side!" — guess he found it in time for Munich), preserving old films, the movie theater experience, and "experimental hi-def televisions." What the Film Foundation (founded by Scorsese in 1990) does for old flicks is what the Internet has done to this piece of archival television footage (miss you, Ebert), fast-forwarded regional ads included.
Yesterday, we began our links by chastising the Internet for all it's done to impair our enjoyment of all other sacred media, so today let's kiss and make nice. Go ahead and adjust your VCR tracking so as best to enjoy this guide to the Internet for kids, a nice 1997 vintage with a fizzy body and notes of apple and those deliciously long '90s mom-skirts. Your trusty guides, the Jamison family, have just discovered the Web and its "whole world of exciting new possibilities," like e-mailing President Clinton and futzing around with Netscape Navigator. Check out those sick "chat lines"! A/S/L? Actually, '97 kids, maybe just go back to watching Kenan & Kel for the next few years and check back when you're not so abductable.
In all these months of link dumping, it looks like we've never directed any traffic to the new Myspace. What a tragic error! Today, that changes: Myspace has a long history of friendship (it's the place for it, after all) with The O.C., and today the site featured a discussion of "every song that soundtracked the show," volume one of seven. You better do your horizontal scrolling warm-up before you even think about tackling it; if you've ever spilled a beverage on your touch pad, however (not that anyone would ever be so stupid, so horribly stupid), you're out of luck. Damn it, new Myspace! Here's a summary: Rooney, Joseph Arthur, Doves, Rufus Wainwright and every song that ever mentioned California appear.
Grantland takes a ride on the Dearly Departed Tour, where owner Scott Michaels and tour guide Brian Donnelly offer us an intimate look at the sites of the most infamous murders, overdoses, and scandals in Hollywood history, including the Menendez brothers, the Black Dahlia, Janis Joplin, River Phoenix, and more. For more information about the tour, go to DearlyDepartedTours.com.
Demi Moore Moves On: Demi is "loving it up with a hot new boytoy: Will Hanigan, 30, a commercial pearl diver and adventurer from Perth, Australia." Will tells Star, "She's an amazing woman. We know each other through yoga, and we've become close." Through naked yoga. "Demi and Will made an arresting pair when spotted at Nine Treasures Yoga in West Hollywood on May 1. While Demi was dressed in all black and carried a traditional rolled yoga mat on her back, towering Will looked more like a Viking, with his long blond hair and beard and a mat made out of a shearling robe slung over his shoulder." He looks like a Game of Thrones character, to be honest. Three days later they returned, and were "making naughty use of the facility's sauna. They get massages before going in — and they can actually be heard making wild sexual noises inside." Receipts? Field recordings?
In the eternal high school that is the entertainment business, sometimes there comes a love triangle for the ages, one that generates an endless stream of speculative tabloid stories about what exactly the stars must be feeling and thinking. Usually the conclusion is horrifying: They're just like us! Maybe it's comforting for common folk to know that all the money, talent, and success in the world can't protect you from experiencing heartbreak. No one goes through life without encountering rejection. Everybody plays the fool, sometimes. There's no exception to the rule. Think of Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Aniston; Liz Taylor, Eddie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds; or Eric Clapton, Pattie Boyd, and George Harrison. For the triangle to be truly epic, all three should be about the same level of famous. Which brings us to Chriannake. Let's play Internet detective/fan fiction writer.
20. Chris Brown: For "beating his girlfriend Rihanna." (Duh.) "Even though Rihanna has taken him back, many music industry insiders don't trust him, perhaps because he claims to be the real victim."
19. Jesse James: "People began to turn on the reality star with reports of his cheating on Sandra Bullock, but his tone-deaf statements made matters worse."
18. Taylor Swift: "The talented singer-songwriter has not only dated what seems like every guy in Hollywood, but she's made millions bashing them in her songs!" Whatever, they're great songs and those dudes were fuckos! "She also can't seem to take a joke. After Tina Fey made a lighthearted quip about her boy-crazy rep, Taylor responded by saying 'There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.'" OMG, she was like just quoting Katie Couric! Boo, you whore.
Afrojack, as your friend I must warn you: Chris Brown is not really your friend. He's just here to drag Drake, break some windows, and lay the pipe.
Best YouTube Comment: "wow…I am in total awe at how cringe-worthy this is. I thought it was a fucking parody…seriously…trenchcoats and eagles? singing goldfish? Game of Thrones meets Strip Club? WHAT THE FUCK? worst video…ever." — SimonDuPlaya
For some of us, April Fools' Day is the worst day on the calendar.
By "us," I mean the type that could be described as "gullible." Those who, I don't know, "tend to trust their fellow man." A certain lot that "often assumes bad things will happen to them at every turn, so when you tell them bad things just happened, even on April 1, they will believe you." That "us."
And making it worse, the people who enjoy April Fools' Day know who "we" are. It's no secret. There's a directory/listserv/message board community dedicated to our names, phone numbers, blood types, addresses, and locations for the 24-hour period of terror. Bad times.
The traps are everywhere, with each passing year proving more difficult to determine what's real and what's prank. If I had mastered the art of avoiding them all, I'd certainly enlighten the vulnerable masses, but I haven't. Not even close. What I can do, however, is outline some common pitfalls and guaranteed constants, and state that April Fools' Day immediately following Easter is like Adele opening for Carl Lewis.