[Production note: Holy. Shit.]

[Last week's Rankings can be found here.]

1. Don Draper (last week: 3)

You're happy with 50 percent. You're on top and you don't have enough. You're happy because you're successful. For now. But what is happiness? It's the moment before you need more happiness. It's the moment laughing in the hallway with your old war buddy after a successful battle, blood still on your mouth and steel-strength no-ner straining against your pants, when you remember how good the copper tastes and that you can still get it up for the negative when you have to. It's the moment right before the moment when they tell you that they sent everyone home, the coroner is on the way, and the body's still hanging in his office, purple and bursting with fresh death, and no one thought to cut him down.