Jimmy Kimmel Live’s Cousin Sal faces off against B.S. Report stalwart Joe House in an eating competition at New Orleans’s Acme Oyster House. It’s gross. For real.

Hello, degenerate gamblers. It’s good to be back. I’m done thoroughly licking my wounds from the monetary disaster produced by that last football game. Really, Bruce Miller — you couldn’t accumulate more than 0.5 receptions?! You’d expect more from the 49ers' part-time fullback.

But all that’s neither here nor there, as the Gambling Gods have hooked us up — commemorating the halfway point between Super Bowl Sunday and the first weekend of March Madness by giving us interesting wager propositions on Oscar weekend.

Here’s who I like:

Tracy Morgan joins Cousin Sal and Bill Simmons to describe his alter ego, Chico Divine, and what he can remember from the time he was naked in Jimmy Kimmel’s green room. He also chats about the time he was kicked out of Prince’s house, his Saturday Night Live audition, and his favorite memory from 30 Rock. Plus! His new TV project and much, much more.

B.S. Report excerpts of Joe House and Cousin Sal as they prepare to face off in an eating competition in New Orleans the day before Super Bowl XLVII.

Jimmy Kimmel talks about a night at the White House in which Michelle Obama yelled at his son, Cousin Sal pushed his agent into the Rose Garden, and other antics went down … all under the watch of Secret Service men holding machine guns.

Suppose you were given the opportunity to spend 20 seconds with the President of the United States. Just you and him. A few of his handlers watching from a short distance, of course — provided they weren't preoccupied with South American vixens. But your conversation is otherwise private. What would you say to him? Recently I was presented with this dilemma.