Dear Chris Brown,

Hey, it's Rembert. We've never met, but you might recognize my name from the letters I've sent in years past:

2007's "HOW DARE YOU"
2008's "HOW COULD YOU"
2009's "SHAME, SHAME, SHAME"
2010's "HAVE YOU NO SOUL, BROWN MAN"

Due to your lack of response, I want to assume that you never received these letters, but I'm starting to believe you're just ignoring me. Anyway, Christopher, I'm writing you for a fifth straight December for two simple reasons: