Congrats, reader, on having a productive, successful 2012. I am very proud of you. In honor of all of your accomplishments, here is rapper 2 Chainz's calendar year, just to bring you back down to earth and remind you that you're a lazy slacker that probably doesn't have curly-fry braids, can't dance, and hasn't the first notion of what it means to have the busiest, most productive year ever.
Ninety-eight documented singles. That's incredible. Sure, there was a time period (still happening) when he would work with anyone (Lil Chuckee, Booba, Teairra Mari), but it's kind of endearing. 2 Chainz doesn't think he's too good for anyone, me and you potentially included. The ferocious clip at which Lil Wayne made music in 2007 is well documented, but not even that can touch Tity 2 Necklace in 2012, especially when you couple it all with the fact that this time last year, he was barely on anyone's radar.
Just to make this point explicitly and aggressively clear, here is a sampling of 2 Chainz's 2012.
Yesterday marked the official release of the highly anticipated, been-leaked-for-days, Kanye West–led G.O.O.D Music collective album Cruel Summer.
It's not bad.
Saying that about most albums is grounds for celebration. Singles can be good, but few albums really stand out as "not bad," with the rare few deserving the honor of being called "good." Kanye West is one of those artists who has dwelled in the elevated realm that is "great," a world unknown to most, since he began releasing albums in 2004. So to have anything associated with his name described as "not bad" is a bit of shocker.
But where did it go wrong? How can an album with five of the more notable rap songs of 2012 ("New God Flow," "Clique," "Cold," "I Don't Like (Remix)," and "Mercy," with the latter serving as the song of the summer, and arguably the year) be such a letdown? Is it musically a disappointment or is this just a byproduct of the high expectations that we have for anything Kanye West is attached to?
When we last checked in on KimYe, the duo was entering that tenuous stage, inevitable in every fledgling young couple's relationship: the reality TV debut. It was adorable. On this season's premiere of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, as Alex Pappademas helpfully explains, "Kanye shows up. He's less all-caps and more aw-shucks than we're used to — smiling, mumblingly un-mic'd, answering fashion queries from Kim while staring at her feet. (She asks, 'Don't you think this clutch is too busy?' He does not.)" So, yes, clearly, things were going well. But that was nothing compared to the brazen displays of adoration we're now witnessing. Here are the facts: While the rest of the world hasn't yet heard it, Kanye has written a song called "Perfect Bitch," and that song is about Kim, and Kim thinks it's really, really sweet. Of course she does.
Demi Moore has joined the biopic Lovelace as Gloria Steinem, whose involvement in the story came through a profile she wrote of Linda Lovelace for Ms. describing how the porn actress was forced into shooting the infamous Deep Throat. Also newly onboard are Adam Brody, as Deep Throat co-star Harry Reems, and Eric Roberts, as lie-detector expert Nat Laurendi. Wait, hold up, sorry: Seth Cohen is playing a porn star? Probably should have led with that information. Grade: B [HR]
A couple days ago, Kanye West tweeted that his next album — one presumed to be a compilation featuring artists signed to his G.O.O.D. Music imprint — will drop in Spring 2012. Which, more than anything else, served as a reminder of how much more entertaining the world was when Kanye was playing along. These days, even when he occupies Wall Street, he only speaks through an interpreter. We're a little appalled, to be honest. No one man should have all that power if he's not gonna walk around acting like shit is fuckin' ridiculous.
So we're throwing a few ideas out for promoting that next album. Hopefully one will stick.