We're now waist-deep in awards season, and the Grantland staff would like to take this opportunity to remind all the Oscar, Grammy, and Golden Collar nominees out there that should they have to step up to that podium and take that mic on national television, they owe it to themselves to study up beforehand and see how the pros handle it. Here are our favorite awards show acceptance (and unacceptance) speeches from all corners of the entertainment world.
The Golden Globes are the one night a year when Hollywood stars are allowed to break free from the joyless, sweat-streaked struggle of their lives and really let loose. So it stands to reason that some of that celebrity good cheer should trickle down to the Hollywood Prospectus podcast, no? After a spirited discussion of Sunday night's surprisingly entertaining ceremony — including talk of the winners (Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Chastain, anyone at home watching Jennifer Lawrence and Jessica Chastain), losers (Steven Spielberg, Hillary Clinton's husband), and WTFs (Jodie Foster's ménage-à-hamster with BFFs Robert Downey Jr. and Mel Gibson) — Chris and I welcomed a star of our own in the form of Adam Pally, co-star of TV's funniest sitcom, Happy Endings. Adam called in on his cell phone during a lunch break (he was presumably eating Greek yogurt, not wearing it) to explain why getting two new episodes of HE per week (on Tuesdays and Sundays) isn't necessarily a bad thing. While we had him on the line, we also asked him about the dirty things the writers slip past the censors, how he'd behave in the E! hospitality tent, and what's really going on with the Knicks.
On Jodie Foster's Not-Quite-Coming-Out Party
Cecil B. DeMille was an absurdly prolific showman-producer. He oversaw flamboyant biblical and pseudo-biblical pageants like The Ten Commandments, Samson and Delilah, and The Greatest Show on Earth. They were epics of delirium and decadence that lavished the upside of sin, then sent you home relieved that the sinner isn't you. He manufactured dual celebrations of vice and virtue, vulgarity and purity.
There isn't much about DeMille that has to do with Jodie Foster. But the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the people responsible for the Golden Globes, named their lifetime achievement award in DeMille's name, and as the recipient at last night's ceremony Foster was less her famously reserved public self and more someone DeMille might have enjoyed: a contradiction.
Let's first focus on the important thing: As result of factors in no way related to their nominees, announced earlier this morning, the 2013 Golden Globes have a really good chance of being great. And that's because of the "Weekend Update" reunion that'll be going down in front of the hosts' podium. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, in their first Golden Globes spot!
Before we begin, it should be stipulated that awards shows are boring. They have always been boring, and they will continue to be boring until the Earth hurtles into the sun, which will almost certainly occur during the 18th hour of 10,464th Annual Academy Awards Psychocast, finally freeing us of the curious need to complain about why we aren't more entertained by famous people trading gold statues and listing their business obligations.
Just before today’s 5:30 a.m. press event announcing the Golden Globe nominations, a Hollywood Foreign Press Association arranger wearily droned into the microphone, “We’re three minutes away. Can we get talent back in the room, please?” Dude, it’s the Globes: Talent was never in the room. And talent, taste, even the movies themselves seemed to have little to do with the relentless blare of nomination announcements — the Broadcast Film Critics Association Critic’s Choice nominations on Tuesday, the Screen Actors Guild nominations on Wednesday, the Globes this morning — that made every day feel like Christmas. That is, if what was under the tree included several empty boxes and a couple of immaculately wrapped turds.
Yesterday afternoon the Hollywood Foreign Press Association confirmed that Ricky Gervais will return to host the Golden Globes for the third time. Considering how hilariously mean Gervais was the first two times, this sounds great, right? Well, no, not really.