In Touch

Is Kanye Gay and Secretly Dating Fashion Designer Riccardo Tisci? Kim Kardashian was humiliated after Vogue editors cropped her floral print bowling ball dress out of every shot of Kanye at the Met Ball. "But Kim's humiliation ran much deeper than jabs about a gown. Some online commenters speculated Kanye, 35, is in a romantic relationship with the man who designed her controversial dress, Givenchy creative director Riccardo Tisci." AIRHORN! "Kim freaked out. If it turns out Kanye is involved with Riccardo, she will be utterly embarrassed, more so than she's ever been in her life." But she's done so many embarrassing things! "There are some facts Kim can't deny. Kanye has spent her entire pregnancy living close to Riccardo in the French capital — 5,600 miles away from his girlfriend. And Riccardo recently purchased an apartment less than half a mile from Kanye's in NYC's Soho neighborhood." A source says, "Kanye is obsessed with Riccardo. They have a very deep bond." HOW DEEP? "The whispers got even louder when Bryan Boy, one of the most popular and respected fashion bloggers in the world, linked Kanye to Riccardo in January." Bryan Boy tweeted, "Wait so Kanye West is gay? He and Riccardo Tisci were…lovers? And Kim Kardashian is a beard? Why am I the last to know?"

Hey, Diddy, you're dating Kate Upton.

This is the full text of an article that was posted by E! Online today. It was accompanied by a picture of Taylor Swift making her way out of a vehicle. (Interpretive annotations are my own.)

Taylor Swift was spotted in Los Angeles on Wednesday as she made her way out of a vehicle. [Tell me more!]

Casually dressed [in a transparent effort to spite her tormentors], the country cutie stepped out on the same day [coincidence!?!?!?!?] that Tina Fey told a photographer to “go f--k yourself" [So not casual of her!] when asked about Swift's remark that she and Amy Poehler are destined for Hades. [Do you like how relevant these details are to Taylor getting out of that car?]

Star

Cindy Crawford & Rande Gerber: "At a concert at the Malibu Inn in early February, the 47-year-old supermodel was more of a hot mess! While downing drink after drink, she went on a wild dancing and flirting spree with victims including Brody Jenner and Johnny Zambetti, the lead guitarist of the headlining band Terraplane Sun - all while Rande Gerber, her husband of 14 years, looked on unfazed." Cindy supposedly told Zambetti "My marriage is over!" and he says that "she certainly wasn't acting like a married woman. She was acting like a single, 21-year-old party girl." Cindy's rep claims the couple is just fine, and that they were there to see Shwayze. “Cindy was not flirting with any men or drinking. Cindy and Rande are very happily married." There have been rumors of turmoil in the Crawford-Gerber union before, including the gossip that they participate in partner swapping with other celebrity couples like George Clooney and Stacy Keibler. Witnesses say Cindy was wasted and kept talking about "hot band guys" while "chasing Brody all around the bar. After a while, he and his two guy friends started to mess with her, buying her shots and making her take them. She was loving the attention!" Also I mean, c'mon Brody, it's fucking Cindy Crawford. Rande "wasn't paying Cindy any attention at all. He was completely checked out." Friends say "Rande's indifference is precisely the reason Cindy's behaving like a teenager in the first place — it's her way of getting back at him for cheating on her throughout their marriage." Star had an exclusive in 2004 when Rande hooked up with a New Orleans waitress. "Cindy's put up with a lot over the years." SOUNDS LIKE IT. "She always flirts with guys, and it's really sad because I think she does it out of jealousy over Rande flirting with other women."

US Weekly

Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton: Splitting up is not on the table for the country supercouple. Lambert says she's questioned whether her marriage to Shelton will last "a million" times. "Divorce is not an option," Lambert said. "I will fight to the death. I am a ninja." That seems like a weird thing to say about your relationship. In order to keep communication open, Lambert and Shelton "are allowed to snoop through each other's phones." Has she never heard of a burner? They never spend longer than two weeks away from each other. "We text a lot. Even if it's just sending a picture of the onion rings we're eating!" OK, that seems less weird. They bond at home, "hang out on the porch, drink beer and cook burgers." Lambert says "I think it's important as a married couple to be friends." This all feels strangely defensive. I'm rooting for Lambert (how could I not be?), so I hope things work out.

US Weekly

Bethenny Frankel & Jason Hoppy's Split: Lunching with a friend in New York, Frankel and a friend "shared a plate of octopus, spaghetti, and a solemn conversation." How does one share a plate of octopus? Four tentacles each? Bethenny "wasn't smiling or laughing. She looked serious." Not to mention, her wedding ring was off. "So much for Frankel's happily ever after." Hoppy is still wearing his wedding band, and "feels used — like she just wanted him for a baby." He plans to fight her over custody of their daughter in court. Despite constant fights, Hoppy "was hoping she was just going through a phase." Friends claim he is wearing his ring as a plot to garner public sympathy. "It's definitely an image thing. He knows he's getting photographed. He's a smart guy." Frankel wants him to move out ASAP but he has been taking his time. "He's just not sure where he wants to go." Hoppy is angry, and "feels like he gave up his career for her. He basically stopped working to support her and wants to be compensated for it."

The couple got together in 2008 after meeting at a New York club. Sources say Frankel's no-holds-barred ambition is to blame for the union's downfall. "She got obsessive about her career." Bethenny's empire of Skinnygirl products had netted her at least a hundred million, but she still wants more. She also apparently "has high expectations that no man could ever live up to." With a new talk show rolling out soon expect to hear plenty more about the split, and possibly for it to get ugly.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what's going on in my life. To even assess that, it doesn't make sense 'cause I have not made any comment. — Justin Bieber

In the modern age we are all freelance private detectives. In a week that saw David Petraeus step down as director of the CIA over e-mail hacking related to an affair with his biographer Paula Broadwell, an explosive scandal involving a younger demographic was also making its way across IP networks worldwide: the breakup of Justin Bieber and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez. The aftermath of the Bieber-Gomez split played out on Twitter over the weekend. Neither party released an official statement, but both gave covert messages through their public platforms.

Before this weekend, Kanye West's Beautiful Dark 20-Minute Fantasy was the Schrödinger's cat of celebrity sex tapes — a rumor, swaddled in integrity-protecting allegedlys and reportedlys, with nothing but a shirtless screen shot and a pinky-swear from Radar.com to help determine whether that purebred shorthaired Bengal was still kickin' it in the dark. We had been living in limbo between two equally viable realities, but thanks to a (strategic?) slip of the legalese from Kanye's reps, we find ourselves with our feet firmly planted in the universe in which Kanye West's sex tape is an actual thing, so Happy Monday, I guess.

Star

Dina & Lindsay Lohan: Dina's weird Dr. Phil segment continues to ripple dark energy throughout the Lohaniverse. "Dina was obviously high on something. It's hard to tell whether it was drugs or alcohol. It's very inappropriate to go on a TV show in that state. She must have done it because she knew Dr. Phil was going to ask hard questions about her parenting." Or because she's just permanently slizzered. The episode, in which Dina "seemed intoxicated as she flailed her way through the interview" with Dr. Phil, "makes it clear that the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree." This is all just sad, and has been for a long time.

Us Weekly

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds: "With its 300-year-old moss-draped oak trees and stately, columned mansion, the Boone Hall Plantation & Gardens in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, is a favorite venue for couples tying the knot. But it wasn't just the charming post-and-rail fences and lush lawns that appealed to the couple saying 'I do' there September 9th."

Was it the historic slave quarters then? Boone Hall's website seriously boasts about the "eight original slave cabins" and the road in front of the plantation property is quaintly named "Slave Street." I personally find the whole idea of getting married at a Southern plantation totally tacky and repulsive on a soul level, but hey, I'm not Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.

It appears that Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively got married. If your first reaction was a brief eyebrow lift, possibly paired with an audible "huh," congratulations: That is the correct answer.

At the age of 35, Ryan Reynolds has now been married twice (Lively, Scarlett Johansson for 10 minutes two years) and engaged thrice (Alanis Morissette, way back in 2004). Reynolds is kind of like a groupie of female celebrities, except he happens to be a celebrity, too, which makes matters much more complicated and public. But there is something kind of lost and hungry about his romantic travails up until now, as if he's searching for that perfect name to attach his name to, and whose fame won't overshadow his own. One thing is for certain: The search is far from over. Here's a cheat sheet for the next 10 years.

Us Weekly

Lindsay Lohan Banned From Chateau Marmont: What did it take to get the infamous party girl finally blacklisted from her favorite haunt, a place famous for putting up with partying? A ridiculous unpaid bill for $46,350 from a "47-day stay in June and July (she racked up $686 on cigarettes alone!)" during the filming of Liz & Dick. Lohan claims that she "thought her movie's producers were paying." Of course she did.

Us Weekly

Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux Are Engaged: So much for that other story from last week saying they'd broken up. "Justin Theroux was a bundle of jangled nerves" on his 41st birthday, since "the only present he wanted was to hear Jennifer Aniston say yes to his proposal of marriage." The nervous Theroux "even swore to a friend she'd say no." The tabloids would have gone nuts if she'd said no. "Jen cried. The proposal was simple. He was surprised she said yes, but he is so happy." They celebrated at a Greenwich Village restaurant. In 2005 she told Vanity Fair "There's an amazing man that's wandering the streets right now who's the father of my children." She meant in the future, I think. In the following years "she kissed a string of frogs — ahem, John Mayer — and now friends are thrilled that the actress has finally found her prince at age 43." Because women are princesses until the day they die, duh. "Jen's had a really hard time with love. She hasn't always given herself the respect she deserves." The tabloids profitably hammering on her self-esteem and life choices probably didn't help. It's cute how they're like a passive-aggressive frenemy suddenly pretending to be happy for her!