Angelina Jolie is "Surprise! Boring in bed." Whaaaaaa? This alleged information comes from shade thrown by her ex, Billy Bob Thornton, who has said, "sometimes, with the model, the actress, the 'sexiest person in the world,' it may be literally like fucking the couch." FUCK YO COUCH, BILLY BOB!
Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds: "With its 300-year-old moss-draped oak trees and stately, columned mansion, the Boone Hall Plantation & Gardens in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, is a favorite venue for couples tying the knot. But it wasn't just the charming post-and-rail fences and lush lawns that appealed to the couple saying 'I do' there September 9th."
Was it the historic slave quarters then? Boone Hall's website seriously boasts about the "eight original slave cabins" and the road in front of the plantation property is quaintly named "Slave Street." I personally find the whole idea of getting married at a Southern plantation totally tacky and repulsive on a soul level, but hey, I'm not Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.
Prince Harry Is Out of Control: En route to Las Vegas the ginger prince "had two things in his sights: vodka and women." And I'm all out of bubble gum. "The trip was like The Hangover, only without the monkey." That's The Hangover II; The Hangover had a tiger. "He was naked for a long time at the party. He kept spilling his drinks and dancing. He didn't seem to care what he did." But after photos leaked online, the British monarchy expressed their extreme disapproval. "Harry was pressured to delete his secret Facebook account, on which 'Spike Wells' could post ginger jokes on himself and interact with pals." Spike Wells LOLs. The party binge started on Necker Island for Richard Branson's son Sam's 27th birthday. "The plan was just to sunbathe, swim and get drunk. With the booze flowing, Harry lived up to his wild kid-brother rep, doling out kisses and sloppy hugs." A friend says, "Harry's a funny drunk, but he always seems a bit vulnerable." Perhaps he's been thinking about his mother Princess Diana, as it comes up on her death's 15th anniversary. "Dirty Harry" has had a trail of scandals, including brawls with photographers, reports of using racist epithets, and his famous 2005 Nazi Halloween costume. Harry may have been trying to "force the queen's hand all along" with his recent nude billiards antics. "Harry has been making a case for a redeployment to Afghanistan, which he worried the palace would deem too dangerous. He's definitely going now. The royal family will want to redeem his image. This sort of move is very clever. Clever like a ginger fox."
Kim K and Kanye: The couple went to Cannes together and "caught up, wandering the streets until 7 A.M., cherishing quiet time before the inevitable flashbulb frenzy at that evening premiere of West's short film, Cruel Summer." Fighting the rumors that their relationship is just a publicity stunt, friends say they "are the real deal." Kanye is "playing for keeps. He waited for Kim. He knows they're meant to be." She comforted his anxiety over the response to his film, while "he kept brushing her cheek and kissing her." While Kanye has gotten Kim to dress "more chic, with his advice," Kim's effect is that she's "making him gentler. He isn't so intense now." Why hate? They're perfect for each other.
Sean Penn: "I am constantly embarrassed by my own personality."
Kelly Ripa: "Going to Fiji is not marriage. Going to Costco is marriage."
James Franco's Commencement Speech: "Spread your eggs. Don't like eggs? Too bad."
Seal And Heidi: Despite a romantic proposal ("in an igloo he constructed on a glacier") and their "elaborate yearly vow renewals," behind closed doors Seal could get a little crazy. Seal's "mood swings" and "jealousy about Klum's skyrocketing career" doomed the couple. They got tired of being "a robot family" in public and after seven years "couldn't fake it anymore." They had a Gothic romance, befitting the "Kiss From A Rose" singer, full of "crazy fights" and "tempestuous love." Seal told a paper they "deal with the same issues as everyone else, only ours are more extreme. There are greater highs and greater lows." Tellingly he also slipped that "success doesn't solve anything." Klum is an optimistic ball of energy, while Seal is "a very difficult person" who endured "a sad life" and grew into a "volatile and moody" man. His uncontrollable temper led him to "talk down to Heidi in public" (but she is so tall!) and speak her "like she was the help. It was so degrading." He got mad at her for "holding court" during a Victoria's Secret show, and "as demands on her time increased, he seemed to want to make all the choices for her." A confidant of Klum's says "I would say controlling is a fair assessment." He reacted by focusing on his own career, touring nonstop and leaving his family for months at a time, including on holidays. Klum meanwhile was a picture of German efficiency, juggling her two TV shows and being "a hands-on mom." Seal hated Heidi eclipsing him in fame and "it made Seal crazy when photographers asked him to get out of the way so they could shoot Heidi alone." A family friend says "it's difficult for a man if his wife is more successful than him." I mean, yeah, if he sucks.