Before we start flailing in incoherent rage against the following bit of today's news, let us go on the record as not being against Progress. We are not especially prone to sentimentality or a preciousness about the cultural artifacts of our youth. You want to remake that thing we love so much? Knock yourself out, we'll still have that original thing! You can't take that away from us. We've never even accused the handsy-in-old-age George Lucas of diddling our childhood for what he did to Star Wars. Ruin away, Uncle Georgie, it's your increasingly ridiculous, Bantha-piss-sodden, Jar Jarred–up sandbox. That being said:

This morning, The Hollywood Reporter brings word that Bravo, your basic-cable destination for OCD-addled house-flippers and Botox-paralyzed house monsters, is making a big push into scripted TV, and among the five drama series in development is a "reboot" of Heathers, arguably the most beloved black comedy of its generation. Here's what they have in store for us, according to THR: