Welcome to Rock Memoir Book Club! This is where I read rock memoirs — because there are suddenly a lot of rock memoirs — and encourage readers to follow along. It’s perfect for people who like to read but are ambivalent about books written by actual writers. So, gather your rock memoir–loving pals and let’s talk it out! In this installment, I look at Ice-T’s 2011 memoir, Ice.
Discussion question no. 1: What is the defining incident of Ice-T’s life?
If you’ve been following along with the Rock Memoir Book Club, you’ve probably noticed that musicians typically are driven to write (or, more accurately, driven to hire a ghostwriter to write for them) by an inciting incident. This is an event that has long haunted this person, to the point where they must compose literature in order to explain themselves. For Pete Townshend, it was being charged with possession of kiddie porn in 2003. For Peter Criss, it was getting kicked out of Kiss. For Pantera’s Rex Brown, it was his strong dislike of ex-bandmate Vinnie Paul’s hairy, stripper-obsessed steez. For Ice-T, unsurprisingly, it’s the controversial song “Cop Killer,” from the 1992 debut of his punk-metal band, Body Count.
Justin Bieber Cheated on Selena Gomez a Lot: "HIGH ON DRUGS, TEEN STAR JUSTIN BIEBER CHEATED ON SELENA GOMEZ WITH A SEXY STRANGER." Just before the holidays, Bieb had a "drug-fueled hookup with another girl." The drug was mostly weed, and the girl was voluptuous 22-year-old L.A. nursing student Mimi Jenson. They were introduced by Lil' Twist, and went to a weed store in Hollywood, a McDonald's, and then back to the hotel. There they "did a lot more than eat." I bet they got a hundred-piece McNuggets. They also "smoked pot and used a baby bottle to measure out the ingredients for sizzurp, the street cocktail made famous by Three 6 Mafia and Ke$ha." Mull that sentence, please.
If you've made it this long without getting spoiled on the plot of The Cabin in the Woods, I am so excited for you! If you haven't seen it, I assume it's because you figured it was a cookie-cutter thriller about dumb college kids being set upon by one or more serial killers in the (eponymous) remote vacation home. But it's directed by Drew Goddard, formerly a writer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, who co-wrote the screenplay with Joss Whedon, who created both those shows, so — without spoiling anything — there's more going on.
The Women of Beverly Hills 90210 Are BFFs: "The scene was perfectly set for a showdown. Shannen Doherty had just marched into Jennie Garth's 40th birthday bash sporting killer boots and her trademark smirk — looking every inch like Brenda Walsh at her fiercest." YES. "The Beverly Hills 90210 vets, once such mortal enemies that costar Tori Spelling claimed they had a fistfight, strode toward each other and … hugged." Hugged?! Reunited and acting "just like real friends," the former "Kelly and Brenda have called a cease-fire to their 20-year war." Why now? "A Doherty pal attributes the bonding to the simple matter of growing up — and feeling nostalgic for the Peach Pit days: 'It's like high school friends that you fought with but now love. They're a big part of your past.'" OK, sure. "Shannen and Tori were in New York doing press, and they were warm. The '90s were a long time ago." They sure were. At least they all still hate that bitch Valerie (Tiffani Thiessen).
Things You Don't Know About Ice-T (Excerpts):
"I love grape Kool-Aid"
"As a kid, I dreamed of being a bank robber"
"My favorite artist is Prince"
"If I could time travel, I'd go to the Roaring '20s"
"I love all kinds of cereal"
"My most embarrassing moment was getting diarrhea while performing at a concert."
"Harvey Keitel is my favorite actor."
"I prefer to be indoors."
"The first famous person I met was my neighborhood crime boss."
Chris Brown: "Confidently approached an attractive brunette" at a Grammy after-party and said, "Can I get your number? I promise I won't beat you!" according to the attractive brunette in question. "He and his friends laughed, then one yelled 'that's his new line!'" Ha ha ha ha DIE, CHRIS BROWN.
Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush: Just before Valentine's Day, "the reality star reconnected with a tall, handsome suitor: ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush."