If you want to know how seriously to take 2 Guns, just look at Mark Wahlberg's face after he and Denzel Washington are forced to hop into the dusty bed of a pickup truck and cross the border from Mexico to Texas. The trip is meant to be a punishment inflicted by an exasperated drug lord (Edward James Olmos). They've stolen millions. He wants the money. They have to return it or he'll kill a sexy hostage. Wahlberg and Washington trudge across a river along with some unspecified miserable Mexicans, and once they've climbed from the water, rather than look at Washington and say, "I don't know how these guys do it" or "Immigration reform!" or something, Wahlberg goes in the opposite direction. He smiles.
It's the smile some people have after they leave a massage or finish waxing their car. It's the smile of an actor who's reclining on a movie-star beach towel. Wahlberg all but walks around the film with a paper umbrella behind one of his ears. You rarely get to see a pair of stars mired in this much danger but playing the whole thing as if they were on vacation. I don't respect the movie's easy cynicism about drugs and crime and government corruption, but I do respect its stars' kind of "let's not give a damn."
After seven years, several serious-ish boyfriends, and countless offscreen episodes of TGS, Liz Lemon is a married woman. Last week's 30 Rock saw Liz making it legal with handsome slacker boyfriend Criss Chros (James Marsden). Liz eschewed her original plan to elope in sweats at City Hall in favor of a more formal event, replete with Tony Bennett and a Princess Leia bridal gown. You'll have to forgive me for replicating the famous Lemon eye-roll when I learned that Liz had secret white-wedding fantasies concealed under all her anti-romance bluster. It was somewhat trying to watch Liz realize that her tireless hatred of the culturally enforced marriage-industrial complex was a defensive reaction to her true heart's deepest wish, which just happened to be a ceremony like the ones on Bravo's Wedding Bitches. I found myself rooting for witness Dennis Duffy (Dean Winters) to pound on some glass and break up the wedding, The Graduate–style.
Johnny Depp's Broken Heart: "On a recent night at West Hollywood's Sunset Tower Hotel, Depp was uncharacteristically quiet and alone. Johnny looked forlorn. He sat at the bar, nursing his drink, listening to the piano player. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts." His split from Vanessa Paradis was just made official and he has subsequently "turned to women for comfort." His life in the French countryside with partner Paradis was "idyllic" for years. "Johnny would walk to the local cafe, sip an espresso with the men of the village and stroll home. That was his dream." But Paradis found it stifling. "She would always complain that she was bored. She said she felt like an old woman who had given up on life and constantly told him she wanted to live in L.A." While she encouraged him to take the role of Jack Sparrow, she became "resentful" of his long shoots on location. "Vanessa started to feel like she'd sacrificed her career for his." Depp "started to drink heavily." He disappeared constantly to London and New York "rather than be in a dark and brooding mood around the kids. He wouldn't contact Vanessa because he knew she'd give him hell." After the split, Depp started hanging out a lot with Marilyn Manson. He started sleeping with Amber Heard, his co-star in The Rum Diary, despite the fact that she has a serious girlfriend. They bonded over a shared love of Hunter S. Thompson. Paradis responded to Depp's infidelity by screaming, "If I see her, I'll drown her!"
Paul Walker will star in Hours, a post–Hurricane Katrina thriller that will be the directorial debut of horror screenwriter Eric Heisserer (The Thing, the most recent Final Destination). Walker will play a man trying to keep his newborn daughter alive in an abandoned New Orleans hospital. Just some top-notch casting here: When you think of an actor with the expressive abilities to translate the fear and confusion that gripped the city after Katrina, of course you think Paul Walker. Grade: D [HR]