Star

Justin Bieber Cheated on Selena Gomez a Lot: "HIGH ON DRUGS, TEEN STAR JUSTIN BIEBER CHEATED ON SELENA GOMEZ WITH A SEXY STRANGER." Just before the holidays, Bieb had a "drug-fueled hookup with another girl." The drug was mostly weed, and the girl was voluptuous 22-year-old L.A. nursing student Mimi Jenson. They were introduced by Lil' Twist, and went to a weed store in Hollywood, a McDonald's, and then back to the hotel. There they "did a lot more than eat." I bet they got a hundred-piece McNuggets. They also "smoked pot and used a baby bottle to measure out the ingredients for sizzurp, the street cocktail made famous by Three 6 Mafia and Ke$ha." Mull that sentence, please.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is an unquestionable hit. Since Friday, multiplexes have been packed with self-loathing, popcorn-stuffed humans all too happy to shell out $54 million of their rapidly disappearing dollars to cheer for their own extinction. And now, for Round 2 of its specious, antispecies crusade, Hollywood has adopted a more subtle strategy. It’s August, the month in which the most babies are born here in the USA. (It’s also the month in which the most sharks are irrationally feared, but that’s not important right now.) And so to head off any warm, fuzzy, fertile feelings we humans might be experiencing, the eu-geniuses in Tinseltown have recently unveiled three trailers, all of which should make birth-control sales — not to mention the popularity of Lord Varys — soar.