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MOLLY'S MAGAZINES

The Fake Boobs and LSD Epidemic on Teen Mom ... and Other Horror Stories From This Week's Tabloids

By Molly Lambert at
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Us

Michelle Williams and Jason Segel: Four years after the death of her ex Heath Ledger, "If anyone deserves a little chivalry and happiness, it's Williams," who is "finally moving on with Segel, 32. After years of platonic friendship, the two have turned up the heat, meeting for several intimate dates in New York and L.A." An insider says "Romantically, this kind of happened overnight!" He won her over by being good with her daughter Matilda, prompting her to tell a friend "I love him!" Let's hope Segel isn't just trying to promote The Five Year Engagement with this romance, since "Michelle doesn't do flings. Every person she gets involved with is someone she can entertain the possibility of spending the rest of her life with." No less of a cad as Russell Brand has spoken of envying Segel's rampant cockmanship, calling him "a falcon among gulls when it comes to womanizing." But supposedly "Jason is trying to be more of a grown-up lately. He is taking care of himself more, exercising, eating right and dressing better. Basically, not acting like a frat boy anymore." He thinks Michelle is "the kind of girl he can bring home to his mom." Segel has been perma-single with side trips to the Isle Of Lohan since splitting from Lindsay Weir (Linda Cardellini) while Williams has weathered failed relationships with hipster directors Spike Jonze, Cary Fukunaga, and other "assholes who didn't treat her right" and were "just looking for an unserious situation." Let's hope "puppet collector" Segel can step up to the plate. "Jason can be a bit of a playboy. The only way this will work is if he completely devotes himself to Michelle." "She wants a good guy who will give her a stable family life."

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BAD BRAINS

Why Can't Jesse Eisenberg Play Dumb?

Jesse Eisenberg
Eric Charbonneau/Getty Images

Of his many less-than-Mensa starring roles actor Laurence Tureaud — whose successful career has spanned decades — once said “it takes a smart guy to play dumb.” And history bears him out. Moe Howard, the most senior of the Three Stooges, enjoyed relaxing with some Horatio Alger. Henry Winkler, beloved by millions for jumping over sharks in a leather jacket, was, in reality, a shy Yale MFA grad. And frequent Razzie nominee Jim Varney, of Ernest Goes to Camp infamy, grew up reciting poetry and went to his unfortunately early grave writing screenplays and dreaming of playing Hamlet.

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