You can't have her, Jack. Jennifer Lawrence is the world's girlfriend now. She is the rarest, most charming butterfly and can never be pinned onto a piece of decorative corkboard and imprisoned in a frame. Cradle her essence in your hands and then set her free, laughing and dancing against the backdrop of beautiful nimbus clouds in the skies of freedom. Watch the rain tickle the antennae of her many talents, Instagram her wings glittering in the dark night of awards-show disappointments and awful missteps. Don't ever make her a "poor Oscar spouse." Hope. Freedom. Change. Obama. Lawrence. Jennifer. Love. That's a poem, and it's also what I'm going to name my future children. I plan to have at least 15, so I'm going to look ahead to next year's Academy Awards for more ideas. Foxcatcher would make a really beautiful name for a little girl. Definite prom queen potential.

Big Boi featuring UGK and Big K.R.I.T., “Gossip”

In November, Big Boi returns with Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors, his first album since 2010’s often sublime Sir Lucious Left Foot, and by the sounds of the compressed funk of “Gossip,” dude hasn’t lost a mile on his fastball. By the way, I know Big’s way too down for the team to do this in public, but do you think maybe he ever holes up in his bathroom screaming stuff at the mirror like, "I’m making classics and people out here whining about no Three Stacks tracks! I can’t believe you don’t own my goddamn records!"