Kris and Bruce Jenner Split Up: The Kardashian klan is kut apart with the news that Kim Kardashian's mom, Kris, and stepdad, Bruce, are over, for good. And here I thought it was just a plotline on the show! Honestly, how can even they tell the difference between their real and scripted lives at this point? Kris klaims "We are happier this way." She gave the exclusive to Us, so don't expect a lot of dirt here. They've been split up for a long time already, as you might have guessed from Bruce living separately in a beach house all summer. "Amid all the Kardashian crises over the past 12 months — Kim's difficult pregnancy, Kourtney's paternity test drama, Khloe's marriage hell — Jenner has hidden one of her own: Her 22-year union to Bruce Jenner ended a year ago." They've been living apart for as long. Kris says "there is no animosity" and that they remain "committed to our family." They are still friends, and Kris says "I will always love him, but we are no longer a couple in that way." Bruce says "We will always love and respect each other and be part of each other's lives." Other sources verify that the split is fairly amicable. They haven't set up plans to divorce, because there is no prenup. According to Kris, "It's a modern-day situation." Watch out, Kylie and Kendall are totally going to Parent Trap you! "Kris discovered her gift for management when, newly divorced and near penniless, she fell head over heels for a down-on-his-luck ex-athlete who stored his 1976 gold medal in a sock drawer." Kris said "I knew we had to tell his story to a world that had forgotten it. We wanted to be champions again." Kris is Kenny Powers? Makes perfect sense. Why bother lying about the split? "Part of the success of the show is that they're this perfect family." Really? I don't know about that. Even friends thought Bruce and Kris's bickering was just part of the show. Kris Jenner "Instagrammed a bikini shot just hours after her 17-year-old did!" Watch out world, here comes Kris Jenner's postmenopausal-life crisis! It's gonna be intense!
Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones Split Up: Michael Douglas and his children Dylan and Carys were spotted at the Quebec resort town Mont Temblant. "It looked like another picture-perfect vacation for the Douglas clan — except one person was missing: Michael's wife and Dylan and Carys's mom, actress Catherine Zeta-Jones." CZJ was "seen grocery shopping and browsing a nearby consignment boutique with her mom" back in Bedford, New York. "She seemed a little down." The reasons for the split remain secret so far. "Only the couple's closest friends know exactly why they weren't together. After nearly 13 years of marriage, Douglas, 68, and Zeta-Jones, 43, one of Hollywood's most powerful and admired couples, have decided to spend time apart," as confirmed to People magazine. "Michael and Catherine love each other very much, but they're taking a break. Neither has made a move towards a legal separation or divorce. No legal people are involved whatsoever."
Hairless hero Matt Damon covers this week's EW in a story about Elysium, Neill Blomkamp's splashily postapocalyptic follow-up to District 9. And while the whole piece isn't online yet, the magazine has been kind enough to break off a crucial little nugget of information. Turns out, if Elysium lives up to the promise of its predecessor and its concept — in the future, Earth is all third-world, and fancy people live glamorous, poor-free lives on the titular satellite community — we have to send a big thank-you to the corrupt police department of Tijuana, Mexico.
You see, inspiration for the flick struck years ago, during Blomkamp's quick visit to TJ with his executive producer while shooting a commercial in San Diego, when Neill was apprehended by some federales for no good reason:
George Clooney & Eva Longoria: "Back in March — while he was still dating Stacy Keibler, 33 — Clooney, 52, connected with Eva Longoria, 38, in Berlin." Oh shit! "George told her that he was still with Stacy, but had plans to break up with her — and was interested in being with Eva. Then he pursued Eva with texts and calls, though they never hooked up."
Summer is always an endurance contest: week after week of Movies You Have to See. Once upon a time the season was four months, like actual summer. But climate change has managed to monkey with the Hollywood release schedule. Now summer starts whenever a studio says it does; last week Universal called summer first. So the season pretty much began in the middle of April, with Oblivion, which delivers Tom Cruise as the last man on Earth. The movie industry is hoping you like the end of the world. It's the source of the season's other endurance contest: seemingly endless months of planetary devastation, alien invasion, and surviving. Armageddon is the new Avengers.
Maybe it's foolish to wonder whether the bombing of the Boston Marathon and the subsequent citywide hunt for the perpetrators wasn't summer movie enough. Maybe this should have been the summer Mark Wahlberg partied with the vulgar teddy bear. We are strong, however. Absentminded, too. So if Brad Pitt wants to race around the globe in the name of stopping a zombie pandemic, we might be helpless not to watch. But there's something going on when even the comedies are horning in on that action. I saw the poster for This Is the End, with the faces of all those funny people — Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, James Franco, Jay Baruchel — and assumed it was about a bunch of man-children graduating from night school or getting drunk at a wedding or something. It might still be about that. But it's also about how a disaster has hit Los Angeles and left them stuck with each other. I'm going to go ahead and predict that Robinson dies first.
Four years ago, director Neill Blomkamp, then not yet 30, came out of nowhere (well, technically, "came out of South Africa") to drop District 9, a modestly budgeted sci-fi flick that somehow managed to be simultaneously sharp and funny and super sad. Sensibly, Hollywood came a-calling, with their standard Would you like millions and millions of dollars to make a movie that must make millions and millions and millions of dollars more? offer. Blomkamp sacked up, said yes, and now here comes Elysium.
On Jodie Foster's Not-Quite-Coming-Out Party
Cecil B. DeMille was an absurdly prolific showman-producer. He oversaw flamboyant biblical and pseudo-biblical pageants like The Ten Commandments, Samson and Delilah, and The Greatest Show on Earth. They were epics of delirium and decadence that lavished the upside of sin, then sent you home relieved that the sinner isn't you. He manufactured dual celebrations of vice and virtue, vulgarity and purity.
There isn't much about DeMille that has to do with Jodie Foster. But the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the people responsible for the Golden Globes, named their lifetime achievement award in DeMille's name, and as the recipient at last night's ceremony Foster was less her famously reserved public self and more someone DeMille might have enjoyed: a contradiction.
Before "The Weekend," before "The Vest," before the rise of Mandy Patinkin beard fanfic, the most striking thing about Homeland was its lead character. Back in October, I wrote that Carrie Mathison was part of a proud tradition of Golden Age protagonists, “a complicated, complex character who manages to be both brutally effective and titanically troubled." The key difference was that Carrie, unlike, say, Tony Soprano, was the first to accomplish the feat in a pantsuit and pumps. On Monday, Showtime announced a smart plan to potentially double down on double X chromosome drama by signing Jodie Foster to produce, direct, and develop Angie’s Body, a mob series with a “shrewd and sexy” Godmother in the seat of power. (And, no doubt, some glittery codpieces replacing the g-strings at the Bada Bing.)