John Carter 3D
The once and future Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch) dons extraplanetary swords and sandals to strap up for this seemingly humorless sci-fi gladiator epic about imperialism. "You are ugly, but you are beautiful." You are silly, movies about squinty stoic heroes saving princesses from things.
Earlier this week I had a conversation with a Jets fan. He told me he hoped the planes carrying both the Giants and the Patriots would crash before the game. It wasn’t clear if he meant that he wanted to see both teams be arduously delayed, but ultimately safe, on their journey to Indianapolis, or if he really wanted Vince Wilfork to die in a fiery explosion. Anyway, that guy might not have been watching the Super Bowl last night — which means he missed all the huge movie trailers that ran during the commercial breaks! For him, and for others full of hate in their hearts, below are the two best ones.
Browne: If you think you can hold it together during a Disney documentary about a lost orphan chimpanzee, you are wrong. So very wrong. No one is safe from this cry-fest. I'm sort of a mess right now. I have a cocktail of tears and snot all over my face. Silver, please tell me you feel the same way.
Silver: I teared up watching that. And no, I'm not surprised that you did, too.
