John Mayer & Katy Perry: At a party in the Hollywood Hills a "bikini-clad Katy Perry" chilled out, "grabbed a beer and clung tightly to John Mayer in the swimming pool. They hugged each other and splashed around. They were all over each other, making out! Neither of them is exactly shy." The pair are not only hooking up, they are "officially dating," hence the lack of trying to hide it, or maybe they just realized they wouldn't be able to avoid being outed by paparazzi right quick. Whatever. Katy girl, get your roots-rock divorce rebound hump on. Just do us a big favor and tell John Mayer to stop wearing that Rolling Thunder Revue hat everywhere. We get the whole hipster Americana thing already. While Mayer has a reputation as a manipulatively romantic womanizer incapable of keeping his mouth shut or his pants on, the 34-year-old guitarist claims he has changed his evil ways and is ready to grow up. He recently told Rolling Stone, "I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time. Now I feel like I'm extremely open to love." I'm sure Taylor Swift is thrilled to hear that.
Kristen Stewart Cheats on Robert Pattinson: The story absolutely nobody saw coming to knock Tom and Katie off the tabloid covers. "From the start, Robert Pattinson longed for more in his relationship with Kristen Stewart. Anything that would prove the guarded actress loved him as ardently as he loved her." I love how this story is written like Wuthering Heights. It's so perfect. Pattinson was planning to propose. "He wants to spend the rest of his life with her." Or at least, he thought he did until "photographers captured Stewart in a series of steamy rendezvous with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, 41. Like a pair of hormone-addled teenagers, the actress and the dad of two — married to British Vogue model Liberty Ross, 33 — spent the afternoon driving around L.A. in search of secluded places to make out."
Except when you're the star of a film franchise, there's no such thing as seclusion from the wily paparazzi.
Seal And Heidi: Despite a romantic proposal ("in an igloo he constructed on a glacier") and their "elaborate yearly vow renewals," behind closed doors Seal could get a little crazy. Seal's "mood swings" and "jealousy about Klum's skyrocketing career" doomed the couple. They got tired of being "a robot family" in public and after seven years "couldn't fake it anymore." They had a Gothic romance, befitting the "Kiss From A Rose" singer, full of "crazy fights" and "tempestuous love." Seal told a paper they "deal with the same issues as everyone else, only ours are more extreme. There are greater highs and greater lows." Tellingly he also slipped that "success doesn't solve anything." Klum is an optimistic ball of energy, while Seal is "a very difficult person" who endured "a sad life" and grew into a "volatile and moody" man. His uncontrollable temper led him to "talk down to Heidi in public" (but she is so tall!) and speak her "like she was the help. It was so degrading." He got mad at her for "holding court" during a Victoria's Secret show, and "as demands on her time increased, he seemed to want to make all the choices for her." A confidant of Klum's says "I would say controlling is a fair assessment." He reacted by focusing on his own career, touring nonstop and leaving his family for months at a time, including on holidays. Klum meanwhile was a picture of German efficiency, juggling her two TV shows and being "a hands-on mom." Seal hated Heidi eclipsing him in fame and "it made Seal crazy when photographers asked him to get out of the way so they could shoot Heidi alone." A family friend says "it's difficult for a man if his wife is more successful than him." I mean, yeah, if he sucks.
Dan Silver: Is there an end-of-the-year award for Best Tagline to a film? If there is, I’d like to nominate the one from Bad Ass — “He’s Mean. He’s Angry. He’s Old.” Forget the underwhelming Machete, this appears to be the film the real-life badass, Danny Trejo, was born to make. What’s more, the film is a fictionalized account of actual events. There’s no keeping me away from this movie.
Rembert Browne: There is something extremely intriguing about a film starring three 60-somethings. It's sort of like It's Complicated but violent, not funny, not sexy in the slightest, and unless I missed something in the trailer, not about a love triangle. How sweet would it be if it were, though? You can't tell me a film about Danny Trejo and Charles S. Dutton fighting for the attention of Hellboy wouldn't be an instant classic. Easy Oscar.
