Kimye to Wed at Versailles: "Leave it to the self-proclaimed genius to have a gilded ace up his sleeve. Nothing less than France's famed Palace of Versailles will do for his spring vows to Kardashian, 33." This makes so much sense. "Kanye has never been married and wants a big one. It will be over-the-top crazy." But leave the guillotines at home, please. "They are not working with a budget. He says this is his moment, marrying his ideal woman." Can't you already hear Kanye screaming "THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SPECIAL DAY" when the wrong rare orchids show up for the table settings? There will also be "fighter jets" flying overhead, as promised by Kanye repeatedly. And fireworks too, of course. I mean they'll still probably make better use of Versailles than Sofia Coppola did.
Last week Kanye West released a video for "Bound 2." It is the year's most ridiculous musical achievement, which in 2013 is really saying something. But in part because West took all the air from all the rooms, not enough has been made about a couple of short films that've been making the rounds. Wes Anderson made one with Prada's backing called Castello Cavalcanti, in which a 1950s race car driver (Jason Schwartzman) crashes into a tiny Italian village at dusk.
The tracking shots are masterful (the wonderful Darius Khondji shot it). The camera simply moves from left to right, taking in Anderson's tableau, but at some point it abruptly stops and reverses when a character changes his mind about leaving the frame. When Anderson is at his best, there's no one better right now at using personal style to create surprise — sometimes his characters are more than dolls and props. At his worst, the air goes flat, and we're back to dioramas.
A great deal has been written and Photoshopped with regard to Kanye West's video for Kim Kardashian, "Bound 2." If you haven't seen the video, this would be the best time to watch it.
When I wrote about "Bound 2" last week, I expressed disappointment that the video did not play out exactly as I'd envisioned in my head. With that said, with every successive viewing, it began to grow on me. Not as in it's any less silly, but there's something calming about how harmless it is.
I emailed Grantland Channel producer David Jacoby the evening after this video's release and asked him if we could remake the video. But with my script. And Charlie Wilson. He responded to my query quickly, but my request was rightfully ignored, with David simply replying:
In this, the fourth quarter of 2013, Kanye West sure is making it so you can't go a full day without hearing about him. He's in the middle of the newly unpostponed Yeezus tour, with the first of four New York City tour dates in six days starting tonight in Brooklyn's Barclays Center. This past Sunday, before his Boston stop, he strolled through Harvard's Graduate School of Design to give an impromptu speech on what he appreciated about those who "architected," even self-consciously asking the crowd (for which he bought 300 tickets) not to overly judge his set.
And on Monday, a new podcast series from American Psycho and Less Than Zero author Bret Easton Ellis revealed its first guest. And of course, that was Kanye West. They talk for an hour, running the gamut from 12 Years a Slave to There Will Be Blood to watching television with Kim. And that was only Part 1, with the second chunk to be released next week.
So what's Tuesday's Kanye news? The answer is a moment many, myself included, have been waiting for since first hearing the final 3:49 of Yeezus in June.
Will Smith Caught Cheating: "Will Smith stepped into a private photo booth in New Orleans on Oct. 25 with a gorgeous, young blonde and, once safely ensconced behind the protective curtain, began nuzzling and hugging her, even baring his toned chest and pressing it up against her back as she suggestively lifted her own shirt, exposing her bra." SCANDAL. Will is known as a jokester, but "the closeness he exuded with his stunning costar, Australian actress Margot Robbie, was clearly more than mere friendliness." Robbie is the female lead in Martin Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street and Smith's costar in the upcoming Focus. Big Will "wasn't acting like a married man; he gave no signs that he was in a committed relationship. What kind of married man would go into a photo booth with a sexy 23-year-old girl and start to undress?" One who is in an open marriage, as Will and Jada have frequently been rumored to be? "Jada Pinkett Smith, Will's wife of 15 years, was nowhere to be found." Jada has made plenty of veiled references to cheating or openness in the Pinkett Smith marriage, but can they survive proof in the form of photobooth pics? Shooting Focus in New Orleans, Smith's family accompanied him on "a day of sightseeing in the alligator swamps" but left quickly thereafter. Witnesses at the wrap party claim Robbie and Smith were "hanging all over each other, laughing like they were a new couple in love." Smith had just finished shooting, so supposedly he wasn't drunk — "he knew what he was doing." Then Robbie climbed on Smith "piggyback style" and headed off to his trailer. "After they left the party, they were gone all night." The source says, "This was absolutely cheating in my book." Pinkett Smith was speaking at a Baltimore charity event, where she gave a telling speech that went "When you are going through a storm with your spouse … stop thinking about what you 'believe' a husband or wife should be." Hmmmm.
Kerry Washington Is Pregnant: "For the past several months, the Scandal It girl, 36, has been relying on a seamstress to help her conceal a huge secret: Multiple sources tell Us she and NFL Pro husband Nnamdi Asomugha are expecting!" A friend says Kerry is "about four months along," and just like her secret engagement and wedding, she has no plans to publicize the pregnancy. How will Scandal deal with the pregnancy? Either by writing it in or choosing to "just work around it."
There’s no way Kim Kardashian shouldn’t be on the cover of Vogue. She’s like the most intriguing woman right now. She’s got Barbara Walters calling her like everyday … and collectively we’re the most influential with clothing. No one is looking at what [President] Obama is wearing. Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a [bikini] pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day … so it’s to say when we are there and [editor-in-chief of French Vogue] Carine Roitfeld supports my girl, that’s a breakthrough … there’s a wall of classism that we are breaking through.”
I can only imagine this is what Michelle Obama had to say in response.
You may now stream Arcade Fire's new album, Reflektor, in its entirety days before its official release on October 29. Via SoundCloud, you ask? Or perhaps an iTunes stream? Nay, ye Internet savvy — the tracks you seek may be found within but a humble YouTube clip. Yes, it's an album-length lyric video. Enjoy.
We kick off this week's pod with a general Girls in Hoodies blessing of the union of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, orchestral arrangements of Lana Del Rey songs be damned. Then it's time to go deep on the current status of the Q4 pop wars, which this week were shaken up by an unexpected power play by presumed runner-up Lady Gaga. "Do What U Want" is universally beloved, and it turns the tables in light of the middling critical response to Katy Perry's Prism. Meanwhile, Selena Gomez dukes it out in the B tier, and nobody wants Lorde to sit at their table. (JEALOUS!? — E.Y.)
After that we talk about the curious case of Hello Ladies, Stephen Merchant's new HBO sitcom that somehow both hits close to home and takes place in a different universe. Who are these people, and do they really shop at the same grocery store as us? And is it really possible to replicate the awkward comedy highs of The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm in the context of a romantic comedy? We finish with a note of potpourri, discussing everything from Internet commenters to secret subtexts in Scream and A Nightmare on Elm Street. Plus, we discuss our Halloween costume (and Halloween podcast!) plans.
Back in June, The Triangle's Jonah Keri ranked AT&T Park as the second-best ballpark experience in Major League Baseball. But back in June, the park was merely home to the San Francisco Giants and some nice views of the bay, not to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's legacy of love and public courtship–via–ass shots.
Now AT&T Park is destined for no. 1, because Kanye proposed there on Monday night, even though the dude is presumably focused on the mammoth Yeezus tour he just launched.
After what felt like centuries in Kardashian time, Kim Kardashian quickly whipped her body into Instagram-worthy shape and then celebrated by posting a klassic Kim mirror selfie. The photo is an off-kilter Dutch angle shot, not to imply horror but to try to make it seem casual, as if Kim had not been standing barefoot in front of a shoji screen room divider snapping away nonstop until she had the perfect shot. The chosen pic is quintessential Kim Kardashian; ass and chest torqued unnaturally toward the mirror in a superheroine pose, gazing not toward the viewer but at the all-important smartphone screen. It was Kim's way of signaling to the world that she has returned to reclaim her throne as the selfie queen. Technology made it possible, but she made it into a career.
Kris and Bruce Jenner Split Up: The Kardashian klan is kut apart with the news that Kim Kardashian's mom, Kris, and stepdad, Bruce, are over, for good. And here I thought it was just a plotline on the show! Honestly, how can even they tell the difference between their real and scripted lives at this point? Kris klaims "We are happier this way." She gave the exclusive to Us, so don't expect a lot of dirt here. They've been split up for a long time already, as you might have guessed from Bruce living separately in a beach house all summer. "Amid all the Kardashian crises over the past 12 months — Kim's difficult pregnancy, Kourtney's paternity test drama, Khloe's marriage hell — Jenner has hidden one of her own: Her 22-year union to Bruce Jenner ended a year ago." They've been living apart for as long. Kris says "there is no animosity" and that they remain "committed to our family." They are still friends, and Kris says "I will always love him, but we are no longer a couple in that way." Bruce says "We will always love and respect each other and be part of each other's lives." Other sources verify that the split is fairly amicable. They haven't set up plans to divorce, because there is no prenup. According to Kris, "It's a modern-day situation." Watch out, Kylie and Kendall are totally going to Parent Trap you! "Kris discovered her gift for management when, newly divorced and near penniless, she fell head over heels for a down-on-his-luck ex-athlete who stored his 1976 gold medal in a sock drawer." Kris said "I knew we had to tell his story to a world that had forgotten it. We wanted to be champions again." Kris is Kenny Powers? Makes perfect sense. Why bother lying about the split? "Part of the success of the show is that they're this perfect family." Really? I don't know about that. Even friends thought Bruce and Kris's bickering was just part of the show. Kris Jenner "Instagrammed a bikini shot just hours after her 17-year-old did!" Watch out world, here comes Kris Jenner's postmenopausal-life crisis! It's gonna be intense!
Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom: "She once picked him up at a downtown L.A. crack den. In June, she busted down a door at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel to find him with another woman. Two months later, he assured her he was sober — and then promptly got a DUI." Then she found Lamar's drug paraphernalia in her room. "She said, 'That's it.' She didn't feel comfortable in a place where Lamar had abused drugs." Khloe is no longer speaking to Lamar. "There's no hope for reconciliation. She feels like she never knew the real Lamar." Really? "This is her Lammy, the love of her life. But he lied to her. There are only so many things you can do for love."
Robin Thicke Cheats on Paula Patton: Despite his constant boasts about his marriage to high school sweetheart Patton, Thicke is a dog. After a photo taken at NYC club 1 Oak went viral that shows Thicke palming a mystery blonde's ass, the blonde has come forward. Her name is Lana Scolaro, and she says that Robin "whispered dirty things, like, 'You don't understand what I'm going to do to you.'" That sounds very American Psycho of you, Robin Thicke. "He's a player. That's for sure." Well then why bother being married, ya dumbass? "Lana, 20, reveals that after Robin's security guard snapped the telling photo, the 'Blurred Lines' singer whisked her away to a private afterparty at his suite at the Greenwich Hotel, where he kissed and groped her until she left at 8 a.m. even though his wife, actress Paula Patton, was there the whole time!" Maybe it's an open marriage? "We hooked up," says Lana. "Things got a bit out of control." #blurredlines! "I came out and Robin was standing there. He turned out the lights so no one could see us and started making out with me. He was grabbing me and putting his hand on my bum. I kind of pushed him away, even though obviously I was like, 'Wow, I'm hooking up with Robin Thicke!'" I KNOW YOU WANT IT. "They could have been caught at any moment." Lana goes on, "We were against the wall in the hallway. It was so risky. I was like, 'Whoa, you have a wife! What are you doing?'" Robin told her to relax. "He said he and his wife are very chill. He was like, 'Be nice to her, she'll love you. But just make sure you're nice to her, because things could get ugly.'" Patton's rep denied any of this went down. Lana "can't get over how open Robin, 36, was about it all. And how oblivious — or accepting — Paula seemed." She spills, "I'm still shocked about the whole thing." Robin and Paula have a 3-year-old son, Julian, together. And apparently a very laissez-faire attitude about monogamy! What rhymes with polyamory?
Khloe and Kim are taking pictures of Bernard Hopkins with some kind of papier-mâché unicorn horn glued to his head. With an inflection that suggests she legitimately doesn't know the answer to the question, Khloe asks Kim, "Do you take naps?" Kim says, "I haven't yet, but I'm really in the mood for one right now." Sure. Getting the unicorn horn onto the dog's head probably takes it out of you. Kim feels her baby move. Wonder-filled moving-baby music plays. "You know what I never want to see?" Khloe says. "Where, like, the foot is bulging out." Kim starts squeezing her stomach to make the baby's limbs poke out and Khloe leaves the room because Kim's made it weird.
Scott's found a pair of handcuffs. He asks Kourtney, "Remember when we used to use these bad boys?" Bruce walks in just as Scott's proposing they put one on his [bleep] and one on her [bleep], which doesn't even make sense. "You ever use these back in the day on ol' Kris Jenner?" Scott asks Bruce. Bruce sighs and says, "Never the cuffs." He's drinking from a juice box. He's wearing a T-shirt the exact color of a lime-yellow fire truck. Kourtney Instagrams a picture of the cuffs and Bruce can't believe it. Why would someone share their private life with the entire world like that? He's there to pick up his air compressor, so he does. What he does with it after that is his business. Scott tells Kourtney that dudes ask him all the time to hook them up with Kris Jenner, now that all the Kardashian daughters are off the market. Kourtney points out that she's still technically on the market even though she has kids; Scott says, "I want to put my meat for sale, too, then."