Everyone is talking about Lamar Odom. Mark Cuban, the man who just released him from the Dallas Mavericks, said he was “negative energy." Charles Barkley, unfiltered sayer of things on his mind, thinks that Odom receiving the money that he is contractually owed is “a joke." And MediaTakeOut, the most tremendous/least reputable website on the planet, is saying that he got into a fistfight in the locker room with Dirk Nowitzki. Everyone is talking about Lamar Odom because he is a very curious case. How does one go from NBA Sixth Man of the Year with the Lakers and “the most popular player in the locker room” to being traded and having his commitment questioned by his new team owner in the locker room? There is a lot of speculation about why he hasn’t performed well; some say the tragic events in his life affected his on-court performance, and others say he is depressed — and, my favorite, Cuban himself says that Lamar was distracted by his reality show.
To get to the bottom of this … oh, wait, I will never get to the bottom of this without real, like, reporting. Let me rephrase. To use this as an excuse to watch some trashy television, I decided to rewatch his reality show to try to make some sense out of why things broke so badly for The Candy Man in the Lone Star State. Scientific, I know.
Miley Cyrus vs. Jennifer Lawrence In ... The Hemsworth Games: "While cuddling up to her boyfriend of nearly three years, Hunger Games hunk Liam Hemsworth, the former teen queen couldn't help but notice that her man's hands were clutching his phone. Miley saw that he was texting his co-star, Jennifer Lawrence. She was livid!" This article is already better than The Marriage Plot. With Miley's "worst fear becoming a reality" she's become "desperate to keep Liam," getting tattoos with him and obsessing daily over the state of her hot body. "While it would have annoyed Miley to see Liam, 22, texting any woman late at night, the jealous star's blood boiled to learn that he was chatting with the beautiful, talented Jennifer." That's right, Hollywood, only one beautiful talented girl allowed at a time! "Miley is threatened by Jennifer's career and confidence." After Miley's last thespian effort, The Last Song, tanked, "Jennifer has replaced her as Hollywood's new It Girl. And now Miley's terrified that she'll replace her as Liam's girlfriend too." Not to worry, Miley, Lawrence is smitten with her X-Men: First Class co-star Nicholas Hoult. But shooting the next two Hunger Games movies in the fall will isolate Lawrence and Hemsworth from their partners, and "their relationship will have another Miley-free opportunity to blossom." The panicked Cyrus "is not going to let him go so easily!"
There are few things in this world that truly bore the shit out of me. Children's sporting events, dance recitals, conferences, being delayed at the airport, mandatory workshops, etc. But nothing bores me more than seeing two slightly famous people — one a reality TV idiot, the other a somewhat well-known athlete — announce to the tabloid world that they are dating. And usually dating strictly for the purpose of becoming more famous. Now keep in mind there are exceptions to every rule, and in this case there are exceptions, mainly because I'm pulling all of this information out of my ass, so I can write whatever I want and there's nothing you can do about it. I have no problem with celebrities or celebrity couples, and can somewhat see why there is a tabloid interest. But I'm not talking about Will and Jada or Brad and Angelina. I'm talking about Paris Hilton at Soldier Field wearing a Brian Urlacher jersey because she banged him for a couple of weeks, or Matt Leinart doing the walk of shame out of her house following an evening that I can only imagine was filled with night-vision intercourse.